


You're The Sunflower

by Jase



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Best Friends, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Coming Out, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay Male Character, Homosexuality, Long-Distance Relationship, Nerdiness, Soulmates, True Love, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2019-10-24 15:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17706806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jase/pseuds/Jase
Summary: Robert's leaving for America but he's leaving his heart behind. Aaron wants nothing more than his best mate to be happy, even if it means letting him go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll just start by apologizing, since this fic is third in line, it will probably be the slowest with updates, and for that I'm sorry.
> 
> This was a fic that I had worked on long ago, originally called Fossils and Rocks, and it was just calling me to finish it. It still needs to go through edits, so sorry for any major errors.
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think. Is it worth continuing?

 

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

The soft hum of a fan fills the air. It's the only thing he can hear, the only thing he cares to listen to at the moment really, so he sits on his bed with his knees held tight against his chest as he leans back against the headboard. The same headboard that's etched memories, both figuratively, and literally. There's  a small space near a corner where he can still see the light carving:  _ RJS Was Here _ . Just thinking about it makes him ache. It makes him ache something he can't even describe. He gasps for air he's not sure he can even breath, his lungs feeling as if they've given up. He holds on to photograph in his hand fighting back the emotions boiling up inside him, fighting back the lump in his throat, hoping things will change. He hopes something will fall through, hopes that his best friend won't leave. Then the guilt hits and he hates himself for thinking those things.   
  
He's so caught in his thoughts that he missed the knocks at his door. It's not until his mother is standing beside his bed calling his name that he zones back in.   
  
"Aaron...you okay, luv?" She asks knowing all too well he's not, hoping that he'll open up, that he'll let her in.   
  
Quickly he fumbles his hands trying to hide the photograph, hoping she hadn't caught sight of it.   
  
"Yeah...I...I'm just tired is all." He lies to her. Something that's become way too easy for him over the past few years.   
  
"Are you really going to do this?" Her voice is soft, an emotional mix of worry and sadness that catches Aaron off guard.   
  
"What?" He pretends.   
  
"Aaron. I'm your mum. I know I haven't been there for you always, but I've always cared. I've always loved ya." She tells him as she takes a seat beside him. "I'm not daft, you know?" She says as she runs her fingers along his forehead brushing his hair to the side.   
  
He slowly looks up at her, a pang of worry hitting him. The same terrifying feeling that sweeps over him whenever she questions him.  _ She knows. How could she? _ His panicked thoughts run through his head as he tries to fumble a response. "Wh..what you on about?"   
  
"If you feel about him the way I think you do, are you really going to let him leave without even saying goodbye?"   
  
"You what?"   
  
"Robert's leaving tomorrow for America, luv. Are you really going to stay here and sulk around without saying goodbye?"   
  
He felt his stomach drop the moment Chas mentioned his feelings for Robert. She didn't come out and say it, but it was clear his mother knew. Part of him wanted to do the usual, to go mad, to get angry, to deny it all, but his heart was hurting and he couldn't fight it. He couldn't fight himself anymore. What he felt for Robert was more than just a friendship. He loved him. He's loved him for a long time.   
  
"I don't want him to go." He sobs.   
  
Chas simply leans in and wraps her arms around him. She hadn't always been the best mum to Aaron, but ever since he came back into her life she had devoted herself to him. He was her world. Seeing him like this tore her own heart to shreds. If she could stop Robert from leaving she would, if only to keep Aaron from hurting.   
  
"I know luv, but this is big. It's his future, there's no way he can miss out on that. You know that don't you?" She reminds him before gently placing a kiss to the top of his head. He might be seventeen but to her, he'll always be her little boy.   
  
Aaron can't muster the words, he simply nods his head in agreement. This was everything that Robert had dreamt of for years. He'd been accepted to Harvard, and there was no better place for Paleontology, not to mention the full ride he had somehow miraculously managed to get. He had to go. It's what he's dreamt of since they became friends long ago.    
  
He still remembers it like it was just yesterday. He remembers his first day at school since he came back to live with Chas after his dad had finally had enough of him. He didn't know anyone, had no one to talk to, and for the majority of his day there he kept to himself. It wasn't until he saw the handsome lad with the blond hair walking in the hallway surrounded by others, that he felt a pull. No one else had caught his attention, no one really seemed like worth getting to know, but Robert did. The sight of everyone surrounding him however had made him pull back. He was clearly popular and so out of his own league for friends. No way would someone popular like Robert ever be friends with him, but everything changed near the end of the day when he finally worked up the courage to speak to him.   
  
He'd seen Robert in the hall on his own and did the only thing he could think of.   
  
"Nice… Nice trainers." Aaron stuttered.   
  
"What?" Robert stopped dead in his tracks and put his book down.   
  
"Your trainers...I like them."   
  
Robert chuckled at first before turning a dull shade of pink. "Yeah...I...uh...I like yours as well."    
  
Aaron figured he was just being nice seeing as his trainers were at least a year old and worn down, plus Robert had only taken a quick glance down as if trying to figure out what to say before replying.   
  
"Say, you're new here aren't you? Haven't seen you around before." Robert asked clearly trying to change the subject.

From that moment on the became inseparable, Aaron couldn't believe the luck he'd had. A new home, a new school, and no friends. He had thought he was going to be miserable there, but all it took was Robert Jacob Sugden to change all that. He made things alright, and now, now he felt similar to back then. All alone. Regardless, his mum was right, he couldn't let him go without saying goodbye. He'd regret it forever.

“I have to go.” The words left his lips before he even realized it, he was up and out his door before Chas had a chance to say anything. His head was a mess, he had no idea what he'd say, but he hopped on his bicycle in record time and peddled harder than ever before. The Sugden's farm was close by, but still far enough that he worked up a sweat by the time he made it there ten minutes later. As he steered his bicycle I to the dirt road he'd grown to know so well, he heard the music playing, a goodbye party for sure as the lights were well in at the farm.

All Aaron could think of was how much Robert would hate this. A fuss being thrown about him. Sometimes it hurt how much they were alike: what they liked, what they hated, yet they were still so different. Like the two sides of a coin.

Several cars were parked outside and other kids his age ran about outside just messing about, some of them from the village, but most from neighboring farms. Even kids To set couldn't stand, namely the Barton boys. The two oldest though we're never ones to turn down a party, not if there was a chance they could nick some beers.

He hopped off his bicycle and gently laid it down by the front porch. This was it. He rubbed his sweaty palms down his black jeans and walked up the steps and to the front door. With his heart still beating faster than he'd like, he took a deep breath and knocked.

“Aaron.” Sarah's soft voice was welcoming as ever. It wasn't hard to see why Robert loved his step mum so much. As much as he loved his own, he'd be lying if he didn't think k of her as a second mum. “He's upstairs in his room.” She said making room for him. No need to even tell her. She knew just how close they were. How inseparable.

“Of course that div would miss his own going away party.” He nearly chuckled.

Sarah feigned offense, placing her hand to her chest, she curtly said. “Language, Aaron.”

Aaron simply smiled at how easy going she always was. She understood him, almost in a way even his own mum didn't sometimes.

“Is it okay if I go up and see him?”

Sarah gave him a sad smile and simply waved him up the stairs. “Like I would stop you.” She said kindly as he walked past her.

Step by step, it all felt so familiar. The creaking sounds of the boards moving underneath his feet, the squeaks some of the edges would make as the boards rubbed against the nails that needed fixing, work left undone before Robert's father passed. Everything reminds of his first time there, Robert's dad had just died and he had closed himself off from everyone. Aaron however wasn't going to let him be alone. He refused to be pushed away. That morning he had begged Chas drive him into Hotten, it was the only place nearby that had a comic book store, so he could pick up all of Robert's favorites. If there was one thing that could cheer Robert up, it would his nerdy obsession. Nothing like a good issue of Spider-Man to cheer him up.

A memory he would hold forever, one he would treasure, and one that only hit him harder as he reached the door to Robert's room. A familiar sound immediately catching his ear, he quietly pushed the door ajar as he heard the beat. Robert was sitting at his desk, his head bobbing up and down, earphones snuggly tucked into his ears, and his eyes focused on his book. Robert Sugden the biggest nerd in school, not quite what he thought he was when he first met him. Aaron stood back just watching quietly enjoying the beat, the sound, Robert alternating between singing and humming. He wasn't much for talking really, but the bastard could carry a tune.

 

_ “Ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy ooh _ __  
_ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ohh ooh _ __  
_ Ayy, ayy _ _  
_ __ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh”

 

Aaron quietly laughed as it hit him. He knew exactly what it was. Robert had been obsessed with the song for weeks now, ever since he practically dragged Aaron to the new Spider-Man Animated film. Not that Robert really had  to drag him anywhere, he'd happily follow him to the ends of the Earth if he could. Something about the song had clicked with Robert and he'd occasionally him it to himself.

 

_ “Then you're left in the dust _ __  
_ Unless I stuck by ya _ __  
_ You're a sunflower _ __  
_ I think your love would be too much _ __  
_ Or you'll be left in the dust _ __  
_ Unless I stuck by ya _ __  
_ You're the sunflower _ __  
_ You're the sunflower _ __  
_ Every time I'm leavin' on ya _ __  
_ You don't make it easy, no, no _ __  
_ Wish I could be there for ya _ __  
_ Give me a reason to go _ __  
_ Every time I'm walkin' out _ __  
_ I can hear you tellin' me to turn around _ __  
_ Fightin' for my trust and you won't back down _ __  
_ Even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh _ __  
_ I know you're scared of the unknown _ __  
_ You don't wanna be alone _ __  
_ I know I always come and go _ _  
_ __ But it's out of my control”

 

The butterflies in his stomach told Aaron to keep listening, but that would only make this harder, if he was going to do it, like a band aid he'd had to rip it right off. He knocked oh the door loud enough to know Robert would hear making him jump.

Robert quickly dropped his book, Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park, and pulled his earphones out. “Aaron!” He smiled.

Cupping his hands to his mouth as if making an announcement for all to hear, Aaron stepped into Robert's room closing the door behind him. “The biggest nerd in all of Emmerdale, ladies and gents.” He bellowed as he nodded to the book.

“You gave me this book.” Robert was quick to point out.

“It's not just the book, mate.” Aaron smiled warmly. Robert was right, he did gift him the book. Aside from comic books, Robert had always loved Dinosaurs, how could he not get him the book when he saw in a shop? His smile only widen as he realized this must the hundredth time Robert has read it.

“Shut up.” Robert picked up the book at threw it at Aaron as he stood from his chair and threw himself on his bed.

“Leave it to you to not go to your own going away party.”

“What's to celebrate?” Robert asked with what sounded like sadness.

“Leaving this shite village, for starters.”

“It's not so bad you know.”

Aaron jokingly scoffed. He knew Robert was right. Yeah most of the kids around all talked about wanting to get away from it as if it was some sort of hell hole. Only it wasn't. It was nice. It was his first real home. It was where he first met Robert.

“I know…” He paused for a moment. “It just won't be the same without ya.” He could feel himself welling up.

“Aaron…”

“So, you excited?” Aaron didn't give Robert the time to finish whatever nice thing he was about to say to try and comfort him. He didn't want him to feel bad about this, about leaving, about going for his dreams. “I'm chuffed for ya.” He told him as he walked over to Roberts luggage. “You got everything packed up and ready?”

Robert nodded, a sad smile on his face, and he let out a deep breath. “It felt weird, you know.”

“What did?”

“Packing up my entire life in them bags.”

“So they're all filled with comic books?”

“Shut up.” Robert laughed. For the first time today he really laughed. As excited as he was about what came next, he couldn't help but feel sad about it all the same. Yeah he had packed all of what he needed, everything but the most important part of his life, the one thing he cared about the most, the one thing he couldn't pack and take with him.

“Well, it's not like you're never coming back.” Aaron interrupted his thoughts.

Robert smiled, if only to put on a front for Aaron The future wasn't written, the lack opportunities he had once he finished school awaiting him back in Emmerdale were, so there was no telling if it would ever happen.

“So...what's next for Aaron Dingle?” Robert asks trying to move the subject along.

“Dunno, really. Guess finish up school and then probably end up working at the garage. You know...family tradition.” He shrugs his shoulders. The thought of living life without Robert had messed everything up. Up until Robert got accepted to the University in America, he figured he'd do everything with him. That future was now out of reach.

“You might want to start with making new friends.” Robert chuckled half-heartedly, it was partially a joke, but deep down he meant it. It killed him to think of Aaron all on his own. The grumpy git seemed allergic to every but him, and going off to school only made him feel like he was abandoning him.

“Fuck off.”

“Maybe get yourself a girlfriend.” Robert almost grimaced at the thought. Damn his feelings. Damn those fucking feelings he had been holding on to for so long.

“Yeah...maybe.” Aaron whispered afraid to let his true feelings out. “Well, I should, uh...I should probably head back home before me mum starts calling me.”

“Oh.” A sad look spreads across Robert's face. One that Aaron doesn't miss. “Yeah. Say bye to your mum for me will you.”

Aaron nods and starts to back away, his eyes welling up with every step, and he turns to leave before Robert calls back to him.

“Hey...I...uh...mum is driving me to the airport tomorrow at eight in the morning. I know it's early but, can you come say goodbye?”

It takes everything he has, but Aaron smiles and nods, unable to do anything else. With a final wave he turns and leaves the room, takes a look back to make sure Robert wasn't behind him, and ran as fast as he could. He ran with everything he had, held nothing back, and once he was well clear of the farm he tumbled into a field grasping at his chest. Nothing had ever hurt this bad.

Numbness is all he felt by the time he made it back home. Chas had seen the state he was in and tried her best to comfort him, tried her best to give him what little advice she could give him. In the end everything equated to how it would only hurt for so long, that after time he would heal, he would move on. Only problem was that he wasn't sure he wanted to. He wasn't even sure that he could. He dragged himself back to his room and threw himself onto his bed, willing himself to stop what he was feeling. He had to focus on the good. Yes, he might be losing Robert, but Robert was fulfilling his dream. Robert was going for what he wanted. Robert would be happy, and Robert being happy is all he wanted for him. 

 

~~~~

 

Robert let out a sigh as he took one last look at the farm from the porch of his home, the one he grew up in, the one he was now leaving behind. He had all his bags sitting next to him and he had been sat there all morning waiting. He couldn't blame him, not with as early as it was, but he still had hoped that Aaron would have come to seem him off. He had hoped to see him one last time. Maybe he was on his way? Maybe he was just running late? He had forgotten his bicycle there the night before, so maybe…

“Robert, dear. We need to get going or you're going to miss your flight.” Sarah urged him. “I'm sure Aaron would have made it by now, but you know him. He probably slept in.” She tried to comfort him. “He'll probably text you before you board the flight.”

Robert swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded as he tried to chuckle. “Yeah, you're right. His head is probably hanging off the side of his bed too.” He joked knowing all too well what a rough sleeper Aaron was. Still, he couldn't help but feel disappointed.

Sarah tried to make conversation with him on the drive to the airport, but all he could do was think back on what he was going to miss, and who he was going to miss the most. She had asked if he had everything sorted. His school papers, his student visa, his room number, all the sorts of things a mother would worry about. She told him she was proud of him and how proud his dad would be as well. She promised she would be up to visit him soon, and that he better be taking care of himself. She fussed on and on, but everything seemed to go with minimal responses.

“He's a strong boy, Robert. He's smart, gentle, and he knows how to take care of himself.” She finally said. “He's going to be alright.. plus you know Chas, she'll make sure of it.”

Robert had no response. He simply felt his stomach drop yet at the same time felt a wave of comfort. Of course his mum would know. There were times when he felt she knew him better than he knew himself.

“How long have you known?” His voice was nearly a whisper. Not because he felt embarrassed, but because he felt overwhelmed by the way she so easily loved him.

“I'm not daft, Robert.” You two have been inseparable, and I know how hard it was for you when your dad passed, and he was always there. He always made you smile, even when I couldn't.” She said tearing up. “But you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You'll make new friends and maybe in time you'll meet another boy that makes you feel the same way.”

“I…” Robert paused for a moment. “I think I like both. I think I'm bisexual.” He told her.

“Or girl.” Sarah continued unphased by Robert's admission. He was her son through and through. She would love him no matter what. “I know it's hard to hear it now, but in time you'll move on.”

“You're...you're not disappointed?”

“About?”

“Me not being normal.”

“Robert Jacob Sugden, you are lucky I'm driving or I would have slapped you right there and then.” She scolded him. “Don't you dare ever feel that you aren't, and even less let anyone tell you you're not.”

Pulling his glasses off, Robert wiped his sleeves on his eyes, drying up the tears that had built up. He never expected things to go this easy, at least not with his dad, but Sarah made him feel all his fears were for naught.

After a quick breakfast Sarah hugged him for what felt like an eternity. He practically had to wiggle out of her grasp as she peppered kisses to his cheek leaving stains of lipstick all over it.

“Mum!” He nearly hissed. “I'll miss my flight if I don't get in line soon.” He told her as he gestured towards the security gate.

Sarah wiped at her own eyes, tears of joy and pride welling in them, as she nodded.

“You be good okay.” it wasn't a question, more like a warning. As sweet as Sarah was, you'd never want to get on her bad side.

“Give Vic and Andy a hug for me will you?” Robert had said his goodbyes to his brother and sister the night before, but still he knew he would miss them.

Sarah nodded and waved as he turned and walked towards the gate.

“WAIT!” A familiar voice shouted.

Robert turned back to see Aaron running towards him.

“WAIT UP, YOU DIV!” He shouted again not that he needed to, Robert was already running towards him, but he couldn't help and call him a div out loud.

They collided into each other as their arms wrapped around one another, both padding each other's back. “I'm sorry I'm late, but I left my bicycle at yours...so I made me mum drive me instead but we missed ya.”

“Then how'd you get here?”

“You didn't think I would let you leave without seeing you off, did you?”

Robert shook his head furiously. Deep down he knew Aaron would come through.

“Besides, I had to give you a goodbye present, didn't I?” As hard as it was for him to do it, Aaron smiled and hand plastic shopping bag to Robert. “Didn't have time to wrap it, soz.”

Robert smiled widely and reached inside the bag. “But this is your favorite one!” He nearly gasped when he pulled out the purple hoodie from the bag.

“Yeah, and you've only tried to nick it like a hundred times.” Aaron laughed. “You can have it, maybe now you won't forget me.”

“Fuck off.”

“Language, Robert.” Sarah caught it. Still she couldn't help but smile as Chas joined her. Like old friend themselves they hugged and gave them space.

“I could never forget you.” Robert told him as he put his bags down and quickly put the hoodie on. With a massive smile on his face he picked up his shoulder bag and reached into it. His hand trembled as he pulled out and envelope and handed it to Aaron. “I'm really glad you came.” He told him.

“Like I said, not like I was going to let you leave without…”

“Seeing me off...yeah, yeah.” Robert laughed. “Look, I have to get going or I'm going to miss my flight, but you take care of yourself, yeah?” He said, his voice breaking, as he bent down and picked up his bags.

“Yeah, I will do.” Aaron said as he cleared his through the trying to hide just how distraught he was. “You too, yeah. Get your nose out of them books now and then and have some fun with ya.”

Robert took his glasses off and wiped at his eyes before placing them back on and nodding. He smiled one last time and began walking backwards toward the gate. Eventually he turned and got in line.

Aaron waited until he was out of sight, and waited still minutes after. He hold on to his envelope and waited until he was back home and in his room before he really took a look at it. It was a typical white envelope with his name written nearly on one side and a sketch of a sunflower with the word  _ My _ written over it on the other side.

 

He opened it to a folded piece of paper with a note on it.

 

_ To my best mate, Aaron _

 

_ I guess we can't have all our adventures together like we always thought we would, huh? I know we can still text or Skype and all that, but I'm still going to miss you. No matter what, please promise you won't revert back to your old self. Stop being so grumpy. Make new friends. And always know that I'm just a call away no matter what. Your friendship means the world to me and just cos we're no longer in the same country doesn't mean that will ever stop being true. _

 

_ Take care of yourself, Sunflower. _

 

_ \- R _

 

As hard as he's trying to hold in the tears, he can't help the confusion that hits him, the confusion that lasts all but seconds as it clicks into place, and he remembers Robert singing that song.

 

_ Then you're left in the dust _ __  
_ Unless I stuck by ya _ __  
_ You're a sunflower _ __  
_ I think your love would be too much _ __  
_ Or you'll be left in the dust _ __  
_ Unless I stuck by ya _ __  
_ You're the sunflower _ __  
_ You're the sunflower _ __  
  


 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tries to move on after Robert's departure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really glad I was able to get back to this fic, it really does feel special. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it is, so I apologize if anything feels off. It still needs to go through a serious round of edits, so hopefully it's not a mess. Will update soon.
> 
> Read, enjoy, and PLEASE leave comments!  
> Let me know if you like it.

 

**CHAPTER 2**

* * *

 

Everything hurts, yet nothing is hurt. His body is free from harm. He's safely home. He's tucked in bed. He lies on his side in a fetal position. Yet all he feels is pain. Through his entire life, nothing had ever hurt this bad. Not when his mother abandoned him, leaving him with his father. Not when his father finally had enough of him and kicked him out . Not even the time he broke his leg in three different places the previous summer. He acted brave, tough even, as he watched Robert leave, as he watched him cross the security gates, walking further and further away from him. He had hoped with every fiber of his being that Robert would come running back to him at any minute. That Robert would wrap his arms around him, and promise to never leave. It never happened.

He tried his best not cry, not to let Sarah know just how hurt he was. How much he loved her son. Chas stood by his side silently, knowing all she could do was be there for him. When they finally made it back to the village, Aaron had made his way up to his bedroom where he spent the rest of his day. With his headphones on, he laid in bed and listened to music. He played all the songs he and Robert would talk about, all the songs he knew Robert loved, and all the songs Robert would tease him about loving. As day turned to night, he hugged his pillow tight to his chest, and thought about nothing but one thing. That song. He browsed through the music on his phone convinced it was in there somewhere. He remembers it. He remembers Robert swiping around on his phone, most of all he remembers the gloating smile on his face after he showed him the screen with a prompt confirming the purchase.

“There it is.” Aaron whispered through sniffles. He quickly pressed the button on the side of his phone, once, twice, thrice, making sure the volume was at its highest, and pressed the play button.

The soft beat takes him back to just a night ago. He remembers standing outside of Robert's room and listening to him singing along to the song. Instantly he feels the ache in his chest and the tears begin to stream, he squeezes tight and listens on. The lyrics running through his head, each one in Robert's soft voice. A voice he'll never forget. A voice he'll dream about. Lyric by lyric he feels himself falling into a void which he feels he'll never emerge from, at least until something finally clicks into place. The lyrics. The message. He reaches out and takes Robert's letter in his hand, his eyes look back through it, reading it again for the umpteenth time, and he gasps for air. It's the way he ended the letter. It what he called him.

 

_Take care of yourself, Sunflower._

 

He rereads that part as the lyrics to the song play.

 

 _Then you're left in the dust_  
_Unless I stuck by ya_  
_You're a sunflower_  
_I think your love would be too much_  
_Or you'll be left in the dust_  
_Unless I stuck by ya_  
_You're the sunflower_  
_You're the sunflower_  
_Every time I'm leavin' on ya_  
_You don't make it easy, no, no_  
_Wish I could be there for ya_  
_Give me a reason to go_  
_Every time I'm walkin' out_  
_I can hear you tellin' me to turn around_  
_Fightin' for my trust and you won't back down_  
_Even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh_  
_I know you're scared of the unknown_  
_You don't wanna be alone_  
_I know I always come and go_ _  
_ But it's out of my control

 

The letter. The lyrics. Was Robert trying to tell him something? Something he couldn't have told him in person?

He looks at the envelope, flipping it over to the sketch of the sunflower, he wrote a word over it, my, as if calling him his sunflower. As much as everything hurts he finds solace in the thought that maybe Robert felt the same. Maybe there was something there that he never realized. He thinks it over and over, the letter, the lyrics, and the song plays on repeat as he feels his eyes finally close, as he feels himself slipping into sleep, and he dreams. Only it's more like a memory.

 

_When his eyes open, he feels warm, he feels at ease, though he feels a sadness in his heart. A sadness for his best mate. It was his dad's funeral today and nothing anyone did could console him. Even his little sister Victoria was handling it better. Robert had been a mess since it happened, since Jack passed away. Aaron knew he needed a mate now more than ever, he knew Robert needed comfort, no matter how much he pushed everyone else away._

_“Oi.” Aaron stuck his head through Robert's bedroom door. “Your mum said you wanted to be alone, so…”_

_“So?”_

_“I brought ya a little something.” Aaron said grinning. He knew Robert was down but somehow him smiling always seemed to bring out the same in Robert. “Can I come in?”_

_“Like you need to ask.” Robert scoffed._

_Aaron pushed through the door, closed it behind him, and reached into his backpack._

_“Is that booze?” Robert asked  with a look of shock._

_“Nicked it from the cellar in the pub.” The cocky little shit smirked._

_“And you thought that would make everything better?”_

_“No but maybe these will.” Aaron smiled as he reached back into his bag. He pulled out a stack of comic books and instantly Robert's face lit up._

_“Is that Hellblazer?” Robert shot out of his bed._

_“Yeah.” Aaron answered with a smile, hoping he got the right ones. The whole comic book thing was Robert's thing. A true nerd to the core._

_“Aaron! These...these are from the nineties! How'd you get these?”_

_“That little weirdo Finn. You know, Pete's little brother?”_

_Robert nodded as he looked through the comics. Comics he's wanted for ages._

_“Well, he's well into these things. Bigger nerd than you, he is. You wouldn't believe what I had to give up for these.”_

_“Oi. I take offense to that.”_

_“Right...well, you might be a nerd, but you hang around with me, so it's not a total loss.” Aaron replied, a shy smile plastered on his face._

_“Shut up.” Robert poked at Aaron's side making him flinch._

_“So...you want me to go?”_

_“Don't be daft.” Robert reached out taking the comics from Aaron's hand. “Go on, let's have a taste.” He says as he nods to the bottle._

_They laid around for the day, reading comics, joking about, and drinking what little they could stand to drink. They always talked a big game, but when it came down to it, they were still kids. Aaron was sixteen, Robert seventeen, and as cool as they'd like to pretend to be, they couldn't really handle the taste of whiskey. It wasn't until night had fallen across the sky that they finally settled. Robert laid on his back, his head resting against the headboard of his bed, told Aaron about his dad. He told him stories of Jack, stories he knew Aaron already knew, stories he knew Aaron didn't, but mostly he told him how guilty he felt for his passing. Robert had felt so distraught because deep down he felt some sort of relief. When he had found out that Jack had passed, he felt it, a huge weight of his shoulders. He had felt a burden lifted from him. He would no longer have to be what Jack wanted him to be. He no longer had to worry about what Jack would think of him, and it ate away at him. The thought that he felt relief at his father's passing._

_“Does... does that make me a bad person?” Robert had asked, his voice soft and broken._

_Aaron turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow. “Look at me.” He said softly. He knew exactly what Robert meant. He could feel it in his own bones. He hasn't gone through it, but it's crossed his mind before, and he knew the feeling Robert talked about. “You're not a bad person, Robert. No way. You are kind and your generous.” Aaron said as he looked Robert in the eyes._

_“Then why do I feel this way?”_

_“I dunno.” Aaron swallowed hard. He could feel his own thoughts bubbling up. Thoughts he never wanted to voice to anyone, but Robert wasn't just anyone. Robert was, well, Robert. “I hate my dad.” Aaron said blankly. “And...there were days when I wished him dead.”_

_Robert said nothing, he looked at Aaron with a knowing look. A look they always shared when as if reading each other, as if letting each other know they were safe. “He was a drunk, and abusive.” He paused to let the words sink in. Not that Jack had been the same. Yeah, Jack had been a drunk and slightly ill tempered, but everyone put it down to the stress of trying to keep the family afloat, trying to keep food on the table. Everyone knew Jack would overwork himself and hit the bottle afterwards. He would often take it out on Robert, verbally, he would tell him to grow up, to put some effort into the farm. Thankfully when Andy came along, it mostly stopped, but the damage had been done. “And part of me always felt that I would grow up to be exactly what he said I would, or worst of all, that I would grow up to be just like him.”_

_Robert let out a breath he had been holding onto and felt the warm tears that ran down his face. Of course Aaron would know. Aaron always knew._

_“So when he finally kicked me out, I felt this weight come off me.I felt relief and I know it's not really the same, but the point is...we’re not them, Robert. We're us. We can grow up to be who we want to be. What they thought of us, well, who gives a toss.”_

_Robert simply smiled, really smiled, for the first time in weeks that night. As they shut the lights off and laid down to sleep for the night, Robert thought about Aaron's words, he thought about how right he was. He laid there for nearly an hour just staring at the ceiling before softly calling out to Aaron who was laying next to him._

_“Aaron, you awake?”_

_When he heard Aaron reply with a groggy “yeah,” Robert sat up and leaned over. Placing his right hand to Aaron's cheek, he bent down and placed his lips to Aaron's. A soft gentle kiss that lasted seconds, yet felt like an eternity playing in slow motion. Their heads still buzzed from the whiskey, but deep down they felt it, they felt everything, they felt the spark, a spark that thrummed through their entire bodies, and to their cores. They both knew what it meant, yet felt all the more lost for it. Neither one of them knowing what the other felt._

_“Thank you.” Robert whispered to Aaron as he hovered over his lips. “For everything.” He added as he pulled back._

_Aaron wasn't sure what to do, what to say, all he knew was that he liked it. Robert laid back down before Aaron could answer, before he could say anything, and quietly they both went to sleep. Both with their fingers to their lips. Both thinking about the kiss. Both thinking about what it meant._

 

~~~~

 

Two weeks had gone by since Robert left and the wound still felt fresh. Night after night, Aaron would lul himself to sleep thinking about the letter, about the song, and what it all meant. Eventually he always came to the conclusion that it didn't matter. Robert was gone and he'd have to move on. Robert obviously had. In the two weeks since he left, Aaron had not heard from him. Not once. Chas could see how hurt he was and would try to reason with him. She would tell him how Robert was probably very busy settling in, getting his room sorted, getting his classes settled, and eventually he gave in. She had to be right, didn't she? Robert wouldn't forget him.

Aaron tried to keep himself busy, tried as hard as he could not to think about it, it wasn't as if he wouldn't spend the night doing it anyway. As usual he found himself holed up in his room, controller in hand, and concentrating heavily on the PS4 game of choice. He did his best to try and avoid anything he knew Robert would like because otherwise, Robert would be all he could think about.

“Aaron.” Chas called his name as she walked through his door.

“Yeah?” He responded without taking his eyes off the television. He knew all too well this would be another attempt to get him out of his room and outside.

“I was just talking with your uncle Cain.”

“What's that have to do with me?” He snipped at her.

“Oi. Don't you get sassy with me.” She quickly snipt back.

“Soz.” His head dropped as he finally paused his game. “I…”

“Don't worry about it, luv. I know you didn't mean it.” She really did. Aaron had been in a bad mood for days. It was a mood she hadn't seen in years. It was the very same one he came with when he showed back up at her doorstep after his dad kicked him out. The same one he lost not long after meeting Robert. From the moment they met, Robert had acted almost like a lifeline to Aaron. Always pulling him around, getting him to try things, getting him to make friends, and now without him, he was lost. “Cain was telling me that he's shorthanded in the Garage, and he wanted to know if you'd be interested in working some shifts.”

Aaron finally looked up at her, his face covered in shock almost. “I don't know anything about cars.”

“He knows that, but he's willing to teach ya. Besides, you'll just be starting as an assistant.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulder in response thinking it over.

“You know, if you go work for Cain, maybe you can save up and take a nice holiday.”

Aaron scoffed as he thought about it. “I don't know if you've noticed this, but I don't have any mates. What's the point of going on holiday?”

“Well, you have at least one really good mate.” She said as she smiled at him, this plan of hers might finally get him out of his mood. “And I thought maybe you can take a holiday to go see him.”

Fluttering in his stomach is all he feels at the thought. He'd want nothing more. Only his doubts kick in again, and he remembers he hasn't heard from Robert since he left. What if Robert's forgotten him already?  “I...I don't know.” He shrugs his shoulders much to Chas’ dismay. She figured this was a sure bet.

She kneels down, runs her hand along the top of his hair, and gives him a sad smile. “Well, just think about it okay.”

Aaron nods and eventually Chas takes a seat next to him. She asks him about what he's playing and takes a second controller into her hands. He knows what she's doing and he appreciates that she's at least not trying to get him outside. It's always her go to. Get him outside. Maybe that way he'll get to making friends. Eventually, with nothing else to talk about Chas begins to tell Aaron all about the new woman in Cain's life. The woman has quite a story. Turns out Pete and Ross’ dad had an affair with her long ago, and they had a kid together. Moira was her name and she was running the farm just outside the village, the only real competition to the Sugden's business. Already a point against her.

Her son, who Chas keeps bringing up, happens to be the same age as him, and she encourages him to make friends. He grumbles in return. She raises her hands in surrender and laughs. It's in mid laugh that they are both startled by the ethereal bubbling sound coming from Aaron's laptop. It's a familiar sound. One that makes his scrunch his brows in confusion, a confusion that doesn't last long when he realizes what application is making the sound. It's Skype.

Chas gives him soft smile as they see the name displayed on his screen. Robble.

“I'll leave ya to it.” She says and she quickly leaves the room.

Aaron's off the floor just as fast and he takes a seat in front of his computer as he clicks on the answer button.

“Azza!” Robert nearly shouts as as he uses his middle finger to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Something that Aaron's always found endearing.

“Robble!” Aaron replies with a smile. “So you do remember me.” He teases, though part of him feels it to be true. Everyone forgets about him. His mum did once, and so did his dad, why would Robert be any different?

“As if.” Robert is quick to make a face as if offended. “Like I could ever forget ya.” He adds and Aaron feels it. It's a warm fuzzy feeling that makes him feel like he's not alone. “I'm sorry it took so long to call.”

“Mate, you have so much going on. I honestly figured you were too busy.” He lies. Deep down it's what he hoped, but on the surface he figured Robert had moved on to better things, to better people.

Again, Robert pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and goes about telling Aaron everything that's happened. He tells him.about how busy he had been with orientation, running from place to place getting to know the campus, getting situated into a dorm, then getting reassigned to a different dorm when the first one didn't work out thanks to the plonker of a roommate. Then he went on and on about his classes, classes that Aaron would rather smash his head in than have to sit through, everyone even more boring sounding than the previous.

Aaron sat and listened like nothing else in life mattered, though his heart ached at the thought of just how far Robert was, of not being able to just ride his bicycle over. Worst of all, he couldn't help but feel a sadness to see Robert having fun without him, to see him have a life, while he pulled away from his own.

Robert tells Aaron about his roommate, a bloke named Connor who happened to be from London, and how he wasn't sure if they were put together on purpose or by sheer coincidence. Nearly an hour into the call Aaron notices someone walk into the room behind Robert.

“Connor!” Robert called out as he noticed. “Connor, this is my mate, Aaron.” Robert politely introduced him as Connor slightly bends down and waves to Aaron.

“Nice to meet you, Aaron.”

“Cheers.” Aaron replied feeling hint of something he couldn't quite put his finger on. At least not until he really looked at Connor. He was fit. He actually admitted to himself. For the first time he actually admitted it if even to himself. He wasn't sure if Robert felt the same way as he did, if Robert liked blokes, but if he did…

As he smiled, Connor turned to Robert and told him about a party going on a few dorms down from theirs and encouraged him to go. Nearly dragged him out of the chair.

“No...I'm good.” Robert turned him down as he held on for dear life to the chair. He wasn't going anywhere.

“You sure?” Connor looked disappointed.

“Yeah.” Robert waved him away. “You go on without me.”

Aaron smiled on as he watched on, mentally flipping Connor off. This was his time. No one was about to take Robert away from him.

When the door closed, Robert returned his attention back to Aaron, and smiled.

“So...what have you been up to? How are things back in home?”

Aaron pursed his lips, at a lost for words, all he could really do was shrug. He wasn't sure what to say. What could he? That he cried himself to sleep nearly every night since he left? That he had read his letter over and over? That he had become a shut in again? That everything he used to enjoy now seemed empty?

“Aaron…” Robert's soft voice interrupted Aaron's frantic thoughts. “You need to make friends.” He added as if reading his thoughts. It's not like he had to though, he knew Aaron well enough. “What's the point of me Skyping ya if you're not gonna have any stories for me?” It was an idly threat and even Aaron knew it, but it still worked.

“My uncle Cain asked if I wanted to work at the garage.” He quickly blurted out slightly tweaking the facts.

“Yeah?”

Aaron smiled and nodded.

“You going to?”

“M'thinking about it.” He played it cool knowing damn well he would. His mum was right, he could save to and go see Robert. The thought alone made his stomach float.

Half an hour later, Aaron finally emerged from his room, with a purpose other than to wee. For the first time in over a week he felt like he could breathe again, like he had something to look forward to. He busied himself in the kitchen finally allowing himself to feel just how badly he was starving, when Chas walked in from the door that led to the pub. She looked him up and down and smiled. It was like night and day. The Aaron before was certainly not the same one she had left in his room earlier. It was even much more obvious when he looked up and smiled at her. Part of her wanted to ask a million questions, to prod him for details, but she didn't want to ruin things, so she simply told him to take a seat while she got tea time ready.

“Is uncle Cain still around?” Aaron asked from the sofa where he had taken a seat.

Chas smiled to herself celebrating her victory. She knew it would work. “Yeah, he's having a pint...well, his fourth one that is. Moira's meeting him in a bit so he's got time. ” She said over her shoulder. “Why?”

Aaron smiled and politely excused himself as he walked towards the door. He was intent on talking to Cain, on taking the job, if he had any hopes of getting the money to go see Robert. This was his chance.

 

~~~~

 

“Fuck!” Aaron hissed as he jerked away feeling the deathly chill of metal touch his forearms. He had worked up a sweat moving parts around inside the garage and made the mistake of pulling off the top of his overalls, tying it around his waist, and leaning on top the bonnet of the car Cain had sent him to work on outside. The bitter cold of winter was well in effect, and the car had been sitting outside under a sky where the sun was nowhere to be seen, hidden by clouds, it left the air feeling like death breathing down your neck, or at least that's how Aaron described it. Regardless of how Aaron thought of it, it had left the metal on the car so cold, it felt like fire to the touch. He swore he felt his skin sizzle as he let out a string of expletives that simply made Adam laugh from underneath the car.  “Shut up.” Aaron kicked at him, unable to suppress the chuckle that slipped past his lips. He hated to admit it, but Adam was a nice bloke. No matter how much he fought it, in the end he gave in, he had made a promise to Robert after all, that he would make at least one friend. It didn't take long for them to get on, even if he was a Barton.

“So, we heading into town tonight?” Adam said as he slid out from under the car with one hand already covering his eyes.

Aaron quickly shook his head and unsure if Adam could see past his fingers, he spoke. “No. I can't.”

“But, it's your birthday, mate.” Adam jubilantly slapped at Aaron's leg before he stood up. “We have to go out and celebrate.”

He looked at Adam as if it was the worst idea to ever exist, and it was if he was honest, he knew exactly what he wanted more than anything.

“It's Robert, isn't it?”

“What?” Aaron asked before taking a gulp from the water bottle he had been holding.

“Are you two a thing?” Adam asked. He was thick, but he wasn't that thick. He noticed the way Aaron always managed to mention Robert regardless of what they talked about. Or how excited he'd get when he received a message from him.

The question came out of nowhere, it caught Aaron off guards, and spray of water was the result. He held his forearm to his mouth as he choked on the drops of water that had managed to get caught in his throat. He used the opportunity to think things through, to figure out some sort of cover. “What you on about?” He coughed out.

“Oh come one, man.” Adam stepped beside him and slapped at his back. “You think I haven't noticed.”

Aaron's head sank and he focused on the ground. This was new territory. Yeah, his mum knew, they hadn't properly talked about it, but she knew. No one else did however. He wasn't sure he was ready to tell anyone.

“Mate.” Again Adam slapped his back. “It's okay you know...if ya are.”

Aaron finally tore his eyes away from the ground and turned to Adam., stunned at his words, stunned that he seemed to not care. “You...you don't care if I'm...if I'm…”

“Gay?” Adam finished the question for him. “What kind of bloke would I be if I did?” He smiled.

Aaron returned the smile and nodded his head. “Yeah...guess I am.”

“So you and Robert?”

“It's...it's complicated.”

“Mate! Life's too short for complicated.” Adam said as he threw and arm around Aaron, pulling him in close and ruffling his hair. “If you like him, you need to un-complicate it.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?” Aaron countered.

“Well, you can start by telling me everything.” Adam said smiling.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's summertime and the heat brings back memories that make Aaron think about his feelings for Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still needs to go through some edits, but hopefully it isn't a total mess.
> 
> Hope you guys like it, and please leave feedback to let me know what you think.

 

**CHAPTER 3**

* * *

 

_“You do realize there's a pond close to home, right?” Aaron asked the moment he realized where Robert was taking him, his voice was dripping with cynicism. This was Robert after all, he usually had some ulterior motive for everything he did. He may look like a nerd, but the more Aaron got to know him, the more he questioned if he was actually a Dingle. “And we don't have to sneak into it.” Aaron shook his head as Robert pushed him towards the fence that surrounded the private pool at Home Farm._

_It was the dead of summer, the heat was insufferable, and with school out, it was sending everyone to the local pond at all times throughout the day. That included the after hours. Not that it could be helped. The hot and humid air was unbearable, and that was without thinking of the dampness one would feel as their shirts stuck to their skin due to moisture. The village was old, so air conditioning was pretty much out of the question, few of the buildings had been renovated enough to have it, so the pond was the only real escape...or at least, the only free escape._

_The private pool at Home Farm was mint, only problem was that it was only open during the day for it's posh clientele, for those willing to pay a hefty membership fee. Robert's ever turning thoughts, however knew it was the perfect place for a swim just after dark, after it had closed, once no one would notice two lads sneaking in._

_“What's your point?” He replied shrugging his shoulders as if there was no point to Aaron's question._

_“Muppet.”_

_“Come on, don't be such a wimp. It'll be fun.”_

_“Yeah, but we could have just gone to the pond.”_

_“And take the chances of running into Rodney and his lady of the month skinny-dipping again?”_

_Aaron made a face and felt himself heave just thinking about it. “Urgh, don't remind me.”_

_Robert let out a laugh he couldn't contain, it was the type of laughter that he'd only discovered within himself since meeting Aaron. Making friends had never been too easy for him, and he spent most of his free time reading books or comics. With Aaron, however it had all been too easy. There was something about him that instantly made them click, something that made him much more adventurous, and generally something that made him feel like he had known him for ages. Maybe it was because in many ways, Aaron had reminded him of himself. Quiet, lonely, and an over all grump. The same way he used to be until his older brother Andy came into the picture. He had idolized him. Andy had been everything he wished he could be, outgoing, charming, charismatic, you named it and chances are, that Andy was exactly it. Maybe now, he could help do the same for Aaron._

_“I still don't see why we couldn't just stay in and play on your PS4.” Aaron complained._

_“Oh, come off it already, will ya?” Robert scoffed. “It's not going to kill ya to have some fun for once, and I mean real fun.” He flashed Aaron a grin and continued to lead the way through the woods that surrounded Home Farm. Lucky for them, they knew the place inside out, even in the dark. One of Aaron's many family members, Sam Dingle, worked as the groundskeeper and would often ask Aaron and Robert for a hand wrangling an animal or two, free labor after all._

_Aaron relented as he lost an audible sigh. Winning an argument against Robert was nearly impossible, so he might as well save himself the trouble. “Well, then we better go this way then.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Cos you're going the wrong way, you idiot.” Aaron shook his head with disbelief and smiled to himself when he saw the confusion on Robert's face._

_Switching places, Aaron took the lead with Robert following closely beside him, with their hands brushing against each other every few steps. Like jolts of electricity, Aaron felt it, he felt flutter in his stomach, the lightness in his breath, and quickly remembered they were just friends._

_It wasn't long before they made it to the private pool. Even through the lattice fence, it was extra. Everything about Home Farm was always extra. The pool was huge, enough for everyone in the village to jump in at once, and they had it all to themselves._

_“Come on.” Robert said as he threw his bag over the fence. He gave Aaron a smile then threaded his fingers together and cupped his hands as he nodded to them. “I'll give ya a boost.” He leaned his back against the fence and braced himself as Aaron threw his own bag over the fence._

_Aaron grinned as he looked at Robert thinking maybe he was right. Maybe he needed to just have fun for once. He placed his hands on Robert's shoulders, his foot into his hands, and pushed himself up the fence. He nearly dropped when he felt Robert's nose brush against his stomach, and burst into laughter when he heard Robert groan._

_“Urgh, get your dick off my face.”_

_“You loved it.” Aaron teased as placed a foot at the top of the fence and jumped off. In one fell swoop he picked up both their bags, and as he turned he could have sworn he saw a flush of red on Robert's face, then again the moonlight wasn't the best lighting to tell._

_Robert quickly jumped to grab a hold of the fence, and pulled himself up just before jumping over._

_“See.” Robert gestured towards the pool. “All to ourselves.” He so expertly maneuvered around the dick talk. “Now hand me my bag.” He said as as he grabbed the hem of his shirt before lifting it up over his head._

_He was lean. Lean and tall. Lean, tall, and slightly built in a way that made Aaron feels things he hadn't really felt before. He couldn't help but look on, frozen in place, as Robert's arms stretched up, the position only making him look taller. And fuck if his body wasn't adorned with freckles just like his face. Aaron swallowed past the lump in his throat before clearing it._

_“Here.” He said as he shoved the bag into Robert's chest. The things he felt. The way Robert made him feel. It wasn't right. He didn't want to feel this way. Not when he knew that Robert wouldn't feel the same._

_“Oi.” Robert huffed just before leaning down a bit and smacking the back of his hand against Aaron balls nearly sending him to the floor as he gasped for air. That'll teach him to get lost in his thoughts around Sugden._

_“Arsehole!” Aaron hissed as he tried to compose himself. He could feel the ache reverberating through him, but he wasn't about to let Robert get away with it. He shot up and chased after Robert who was laughing like a maniac. This is how it was with them. Just fun. Even if it came with a bit of pain._

_“Too slow, Azza.” Robert teased as he ran along the edge of the pool still in his jeans._

_“Shit!” Aaron hissed and keeled over grabbing at his leg._

_“What's wrong?” Robert stopped and quickly ran to his side._

_“Fuck you.” Aaron laughed as he shoved Robert into the pool._

_“Oi!” Robert frowned. “I'm still in jeans.” He complained only for Aaron to back up a few steps right before he jumped straight at him._

_Water, cold water, more of it is all he got to the face the second he surfaced. Robert was already splashing a barrage against him. Like maniacs they both laughed as they splashed water each other. Long was the miserable heat gone from their minds, all there was, was them. A joy unlike any other he had ever experienced. A joy he'd never had known if Robert hadn't come into his life. He'd still be holed up in his room, listening to music, being alone, being miserable. The more he let himself think of it, the more Aaron knew what he felt was real._

 

_BOOM_

 

_The loud mechanical sound of the industrial lights being turned on filled the air, it was loud and abrupt, making them stop mid splash._

_“WHO'S OUT THERE?”_

_They both heard a voice shouting._

_“YOU ARE TRESPASSING ON PRIVATE PROPERTY AND THE AUTHORITIES HAVE BEEN CALLED.”_

_“SHIT!” They both hissed in unison as they looked at each other._

_“Me mum's gonna kill me if we get arrested, Robert.” Aaron went into a panic._

_“It's okay. Come one.” Robert pulled him towards the edge of the pool. “Let's go.”_

_Neither of them had ever moved so fast as they collected the bags and Robert's shirt. Just like before, they threw their bags over the fence and Robert leaned against the fence to give Aaron a boost, only Aaron didn't wait. He jumped up and pulled himself up to jump over the fence just as Robert had earlier. Robert followed. Smirking as they looked at each other, they braced themselves at the top of the fence and jumped down._

_“AAAARGH.” Aaron groaned in pain and Robert quickly turned to see him hanging from the fence. His foot had gotten stuck. “Robert.” Aaron cried in pain. His eyes were filled with worry, with fear, and most of all with pain._

_“Shit.” The word slipped past Robert's lips. “I have you. Just...can you hold onto the fence?” He asked. “I'm going to try and push you up, see if you can get your foot unstuck, yeah?”_

_Aaron nodded as he placed his hands on Robert's shoulders._

_“It's gonna be okay. I have you.” Robert said in a voice that was calm. It was a voice Aaron didn't hear come from him often, a voice that he almost seemed to save just for him. Robert pushed him up enough for him to free his foot and gently helped him down._

_“Fuck.” Aaron hissed as he tried to put pressure on his foot. “It hurts.”_

_“It's okay...I got you.” Robert said as he took Aaron's arm and wrapped it around his neck. “Just lean on me.”_

 

______

  


_“_ You remember that summer I broke my leg cos of you?” Aaron smiled at the camera. He couldn't help but smile as wide as his face was able to just thinking about it, and the bright red that instantly took over Robert's face at the same time wasn't helping. Damn the heat of the summer that had remembering, even the unforgiving heat wasn't going to stop his smile. It was the middle of summer the hot nights were making him want to sleep in bed of ice. The good thing about it we're the memories it brought back.

“Cos of me?” Robert responded with offense. He was always quick with the theatrics. He threw his arms in the air and rolled his eyes. He sat comfortably at his desk wearing a navy colored shirt that somehow made the green in his eyes pop even more than usual. “If I remember correctly, I tried to give ya a boost, but you thought you could make the jump on your own.”

“And who's bright idea was it to go there in the first place?” He reminded him.

This was almost just like old times. Almost but not quite the same. Truth be told though, this was better than nothing. Having to talk to Robert, to his best friend over Skype was better than the alternative. It didn't happen as often as he'd like, once a week, but he wouldn't trade this for the world.

“The worst part was your mum.” Robert laughed. “I thought she was gonna sick Cain on me.”

Aaron joined in laughing as he remembered Robert practically carrying him piggyback into the back of the pub. They had tried being as quiet as possible, but the agony that Aaron had been in, not knowing his leg had been broken, made him louder than usual. Chas had run down the stairs thinking there had been an intruder, only to see Aaron nearly tears.

“Still...that was a great summer though.” Aaron said meaning every word of it. Broken leg or not, he meant it. After all, Robert did give up the rest of his summer to spend it with him. He had hauled Aaron around where he could, it was often they'd be spotted on a bicycle, Robert peddling away, with Aaron basically hanging on for dear life to the same handles Robert struggled to steer them with. He'd sat right in the center of them and Robert  looked around him. It was all Aaron could have wanted.

“You mad?” Robert was quick to question him. “We were holed up in your room for most of it.”

“But, I got to spend it with you, no?” The words slipped past his lips before he realized it, and just as quickly as he had realized they had, he could feel the flush coming over his face, and he felt it go away just as fast when he saw the arms that wrapped around Robert.

“Robert!” A squeaky voice came over the speakers just as a small brunette placed her chin on his shoulder. “Can you help me go over today's lesson? I'm just not getting it.” She said batting her eyelashes at him. It took all he had for Aaron not to scoff at how pathetically obvious she was, and he hated himself for how he felt, for the jealousy that was building within him.

“Maybe later, yeah?” Robert replied as he nodded towards the screen. “I'm Skyping back home.”

 _Skyping back home._ The words felt so general. Nothing about them made him feel special, not in the way he wanted to feel. “It's okay, I really have to go anyway.” Aaron interrupted. “I have a shift at the garage.”

“But…” Robert tried object, Aaron had told him he was free for the night after all, not to mention the five hour difference meant it was already night time for Aaron.

“Bye.” Aaron said abruptly before ending the call and closing his laptop as he shoved it away from himself. 

He could feel the ache in his chest, the same one he'd felt since Robert left, the same one he feels every time he thinks about him. He wiped at his eyes as he threw himself onto his bed where he laid for what felt like hours, simply looking up at the ceiling. This feeling, what he feels for Robert, it's no good. It's only going to break his heart even more if he doesn't get over it. Maybe he had been wrong all along. Maybe he read to much into the letter. Maybe...maybe...maybe he was just an idiot for ever thinking there had been more between him and Robert.

“You okay?” A soft voice came from his doorway. Chas stood there looking at him as if studying him.

“Why wouldn't I be?” He tried his usual snark.

Chas pursed her lips knowing all too well what he was doing. Hiding away, pretending, wearing the mask he always tries to wear around anyone that isn't Robert. “It's just...it sounded too quiet.” She replied. “I figured you and Robert would be Skyping for the night. Did summit happen?”

She could see the sadness in his eyes as he sat up and leaned against the headboard of his bed. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs, and finally looked at her.

“He...has this life away from here...away from me…” He stopped as he tried to hold back the tears.

“Oh luv.” Chas said lovingly as she sat down on the bed next to him. He didn't have to say much for her to know. His eyes said it all, the tears that pooled at the edges of his eyes were clear as day. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do to make it all go away, to help him navigate through this all, and it killed her to know she was powerless to help. All she could do was be there for him. “It doesn't mean he's forgotten about you.” She said as she ran her hand through the fluffy hair atop his head. It was moments like this that reminded her of Aaron as a child.

“But he will.” Aaron sobbed.

“Is that what you think?” She asked.

All Aaron could do was shrug. Part of him knew it wasn't possible, but the part of him that ached for his best friend, the part that was afraid of being forgotten, was fighting to win.

“You really think he would?”

“No.” The whisper came from his lips before he shook his head. Deep down he knew Robert wouldn't forget him. No way.

“Have you told him how you feel?” She asked only making him withdraw into himself. It was obvious she knew about him, but they had yet to really talk it out. “Aaron?” She pushed as she placed her hand to his cheek.

Aaron quickly averted her gaze, opting to look at the doorway she had stood at moments ago, and shook his head.

“Why don't you tell him?”

“What if...what if he doesn't feel the same way?” He mumbled past his knees. “And what if he hates me for being…” He trailed off.

“Gay?” Chas finished for him. “D'ya think he would?” She asked.

"I...I don't know."

"Oh sweetheart...if you think that boy could ever hate you, then maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do." She leaned in and places a kiss to his forehead. "I know you probably don't want my advice, but I think you should tell him how you feel." Gently she ruffled his hair and stood up to make he way to the door

"Mum." Aaron called out to her before she had a chance to leave.

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"You don't hate me, do you?" He asked as his lips trembled. "For being gay?"

Chas found herself at a loss for words and simply strode back to Aaron wrapping her arms around him, and squeezing him tightly. "Aaron, I love you more than anything, and I'm so proud of you for knowing just who you are. Never be afraid of that, and never, EVER, think that I wouldn't love you."

His shoulders dropped as he felt the weight lift off him and he simply squeezed back.

 

____

  


Summer had come and gone, and Aaron found himself torn with what to do. He had spent the remainder of the summer practically avoiding Robert's calls as he struggled with what to do about his feelings. Chas had encouraged him to tell Robert how he felt, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't help but remember Robert wrapped up in the brunette's arms, and instantly he would change his mind. He had spent as much time pulling shifts in the garage and learning as much as he could from his uncle Cain. With cars, he knew exactly where he stood. He loved them, he loved working on them, and he loved making them come back to life. What little free time he gave himself, he spent with his current best mate, Adam. It wasn't the same as with Robert, nothing ever would be, but Adam was fun enough.

Everything changed on Friday night when he was hanging out with Adam just outside the pub. They had been sitting down on the tables when Cain walked up to them and handed them both an envelope.

"What's this?" Aaron asked.

"It's your pay." Cain replied. "But if you don't want it, I'll be more than happy to take it back. Call it payment for all the training." He teased, or at least that's what Aaron though. Cain was hard to read.

"As if." Aaron shot back.

"That should get you there and back." Cain said. It wasn't so much a question, though.

"You what?" Aaron asked confused.

"You we're saving up to go see Sugden, no?"

Everything became all too real as it hit him. Cain was right. It was the only thing that kept him sane at first. Knowing he had been working, saving up, to go see Robert. He had enough to go see him. He wasn't sure how to answer, still wasn't sure if he would go, if he even had the guts to tell Robert how he felt, so he simply nodded, and quietly watched as Cain continued walking into the pub.

"Mate!" Adam buzzed with excitement. "Please tell me you're buying your ticket…" He'd barely had a chance to say when Aaron took off running without a word.

His heart kept telling him to do it, to go for it, and every time he decided to do it, he would picture her. The girl, the brunette, with her arms around him. Just the thought alone of her batting her eyelashes at him made his stomach turn. He ran as fast as he could without even knowing where his legs were taking him, and only stopped when he heard a familiar tune. It was one that was that recorded in his memories now. One he'd never forget. Suddenly he was back at the Sugden farm and he was standing just outside of Robert's room, listening to him sing along with the song.

 

_“Then you're left in the dust_

_Unless I stuck by ya_

_You're a sunflower_

_I think your love would be too much_

_Or you'll be left in the dust_

_Unless I stuck by ya_

_You're the sunflower_

_You're the sunflower_

_Every time I'm leavin' on ya_

_You don't make it easy, no, no_

_Wish I could be there for ya_

_Give me a reason to go_

_Every time I'm walkin' out_

_I can hear you tellin' me to turn around_

_Fightin' for my trust and you won't back down_

_Even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh_

_I know you're scared of the unknown_

_You don't wanna be alone_

_I know I always come and go_

_But it's out of my control”_

 

"Aaron?" A soft voice breaks him away from his memory. A familiar voice. One that instantly makes him miss Robert all that much more.

"Mrs. Sugden." He answers as he looks back at Sarah who's looking at him with concern. They're stood near the wooden bridge that leads to the Cricket Pavilion where Sarah had been enjoying a picnic.

"Hiya, Aaron." He hears Andy and Victoria shout from the distance where they sit on throw. Victoria's holding onto a speaker, trying to keep it away from Andy who seems intent on shutting it off.

"Is everything okay, love?" Sarah asks him.

He fumbles his words a bit and tries to clear his throat before he's able to finally form some semblance of actual words. "I...urh...yeah." He answers.

"You sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" He replies, a bit snarkier than he would have ever intended.

"It's just…" She pauses for a moment. "Last I spoke with Robert, he seemed, I don't know, off. Not his usual self."

"What do you mean?"

Sarah let out a breath as her shoulders dropped. It was evident that something was on her mind. "He seemed sad, like something was wrong, but he wouldn't tell me...I was hoping that you might know." She gave him a sad smile. "Did you two fall out?"

"What?"

"He asked if I'd seen you, said that he hasn't been able to get a hold of you in weeks. Is everything alright?" She asked with genuine concern, not just because she was worried for Robert, but because she also cared for him.

Aaron shook his head. "No." He lied. He lied to her and he's hurt Robert. He knows it deep down. It's because of him that Robert's been upset. How couldn't he? He's spent most of the summer avoiding him and it's killing him to do it, Robert must feel the same. He has to. Maybe this was a sign, maybe it was just what he needed to hear. "It's just…I've been working extra shifts at the garage." He tells her.

"For what?"

"For this." He smiles as he pulls out the envelope Cain had given him from his pocket.

"What's that?"

"I've been saving up." He feels a jolt of excitement within himself. "To go so him, in America."

"Aaron…"

"It's stupid, I know, but I wanted to surprise him."

"Don't be daft." She tells him. "It's brilliant, Aaron. It's just what he needs."

He smiled fully and proudly. For the first time in weeks he smiled in a way that he could feel in his core. He made his mind up. He was going to go to America. He was going to surprise Robert. He was going to see him for the first time in weeks, and most important of all, he was going to tell him he loved him.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's homesick and it really hits him hard when Aaron stops answering his calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since an update, even more so cos it's a bit of a short one, but I hope you guys still like it.
> 
> As always, please leave comment and let me know what you think.

**CHAPTER 4**

* * *

_ From a distance _

_ I can hear you cry _

_ Well don't you worry darlin' _

_ Don't lose sleep tonight _

_ I can promise it _

_ I can guarantee _

_ At the end of the road _

_ I see you with me _

_ Time's never been on our side _

_ So would you wait for me? _

_ I lead a selfish life _

_ 'Cause that's what I need _

_ What do I have to do _

_ To make you believe? _

_ It's all for you and me _

_ When I look down the line _

_ At the man I wanna be _

_ I've always known from the start _

_ That it ends with you and me _

_ The soft lyrics play in his ears, they bring him a peace, a calm that he feels to his core. It's the words. They're not just simple lyrics. They mean something to him. He holds a book in his hands, one he's read countless times. The cover is wrinkled and worn out, but he cherishes it. Just like the lyrics, it means something special to him. More than that. They mean something he's known for so long, something he's been too afraid to accept, too afraid to admit. It's not who he should be, what he should be, not the son of a farmer. Who he is is not something his father would approve of, maybe even his entire family, even worse the person that's made him realize it. Aaron. _

_ "Will you get off your arse and do some work around the farm for once!" The shouting snaps him out of his head. The beautiful lul that made him question everything he felt came crashing down at the sound of his father, he's angry. Robert can practically smell the alcohol from across the room, whiskey. Jack was drunk again. _

_ It doesn't happen too often, but it happens enough. Whenever the farm receives enough work to make Jack feel overwhelmed because he can't afford to pay for more help, he turns to the drink. He gets angry. He shouts. He belittles his son who wants more for his life than the family business. A simple farmer's life is not for him. It's not who he knows he's meant to be. _

_ Robert is quick to pull his headphones off and shoots off his chair, tries to hide the book he was reading. It's what he does. He reads. He escapes. He thinks of the better life he wants. The problem is, according to Jack, his life should be the family business, the farm. There's no other life as far as Jack is concerned. _

_ "Got your nose in them books again." Jack's words are slurred. "You should be out there with us, helping. Not sticking your nose in them books."  _

_ "I...uh…" Robert gulped. He hates this, hates when his father gets like this, hates the way he's too afraid to defend what he wants. _

_ "Books aren't going to pay the bills. They're not going to keep your family fed." He stumbles a bit in place. "God forbid one day you get married. How are you going to provide for your wife?" _

_ The words sting, but more than that, they make him uncomfortable. They don't feel right and only make him think of Aaron for the same reason he escapes into his books, particularly that one book. _

_ "I...I...there's other things I can do. This isn't the life I want, dad." Robert finally works up the courage to say it out loud, but instantly regrets it. The look on Jack's face makes him wish the words right back into his mouth, forgotten. It makes him feel shame, something he knows deep down he shouldn't feel for wanting more. _

_ "What, a hard and honest life isn't good enough for you? That Dingle boy giving you ideas?" _

_ "Dad." _

_ "You're as good as useless you know that? If it wasn't for your brother…" _

_ "THAT'S ENOUGH!" Sarah's voice booms through the hallway. "Don't you dare talk to him that way." She says a bit more calmly as she steps in front of Jack and quickly makes a face when she smells it. "You're drunk again." _

_ "I…" Jack tried to protest, would have if his balance wasn't off, or if he wasn't just as scared of his own wife. She was fierce, especially when it came to her children. _

_ "You go sleep this off." She hissed at him. "And if I catch you talking to him like that again, we're going to have some words Jack Sugden. Do you understand?" _

_ Jack simply scoffed and walked away with his head hanging, looking almost ashamed of himself. Almost. _

_ "Do you understand?" She shouted after him. _

_ "Loud and clear." He slurred. _

_ Robert tried to swallow past the lump in his throat as Sarah turned back to him, he hates feeling so weak. It's how Jack's always made him feel. It's not long before he feels the warm touch on his cheek. Sarah's already standing before him. She runs her thumb across his cheek then moves her hand to wipe the hair away from his forehead, his floppy hair covering most of his eyes. With a single look she disarms him. It's her magic. She's always been like this, always been the one person he can count on, the one person that no matter what, made him feel safe. She pulls him into a hug and he nearly let's out the tears he's trying to hold back. _

_ "Don't you dare listen to a word he said." She whispered into his ear. "He doesn't really mean those things, he's just…" _

_ "Drunk." He says, his voice timid, embarrassed almost  _

_ Sarah can't help the sigh that escapes her, Robert's words ringing too harsh a truth. "He's...under a lot of stress." _

_ "You don't have to defend him." _

_ "I know he doesn't show it much, but he really does love you, and deep down I know he wants the best for you." She tells him. "I think...I think he's just afraid of losing you. With Andy, well, with Andy it's easy for him. Andy is so happy to just make your dad happy, but you...you're too smart for him, you're too smart for this. You know things now that he hasn't learned in his entire life. You know so much about so many things, and he just finds it hard to talk to you. He feels like you probably look down on him." _

_ "I wouldn't." Robert shakes his head vehemently. Even through his troubled relationship with his father, he loved him, always has. _

_ "I know that, love. Problem is, he doesn't." _

_ He finally managed to fully swallow past the lump in his throat and responds. "I'll try harder." _

_ "That's my boy." _

~~~~~~

It's nice out, the temperature is close to what he normally likes, and the campus is alive. Classes are done for the day, at least for him, but Robert can't bring himself to really enjoy it all. Things just haven't been the same lately. Something's changed. He misses home, misses his family, and he misses…

"Aaron...have...have you seen him?" Robert asks over the phone, does his best to hide the loneliness in his voice. He waits for his mother to respond, she's making her weekly check-in. It's what she does. She calls at least once a week to make sure he's okay, to make sure he's eating properly, to hear his voice really. She apologizes and tells him she hasn't, and he feels his stomach flip when she asks if they've had a falling out. "No...I just...I haven't heard from him in weeks." He can't help the change in his voice when he says it. He feels like a child lost in a grocery store, separated from his loved ones.

He continues to make small talk, tells her about his classes, and tries not to bore her with a lowdown on techniques he's learned for excavations, what types of brushes are used for what, what he's learned in his paleobotany course, all the stuff that Aaron would tease him about. He hears nothing but pride in her voice, knows that she would listen to him read a book, but still, he knows she simply misses him just as he does her. Soon enough they're ending their call and he lets go of the breath he didn't realize he had been holding on to. It took everything he had to keep himself from asking her to have Aaron call him back.

"Could you look any more pathetic?" Connor asks as he walks through the door to their dorm room, looking so annoying pleased with himself. The smug bastard. He walks close to Robert's bed and throws himself onto it then wiggles himself closer to him. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah...just...just a bit homesick I guess."

"What you need is a night out." Connor grins as he turns to Robert. "A night of underage drinking, loud music, and girls...or boys." He says with a wink, a gleam of something in his eye, almost a flirt. Connor surprises him, he had since the day they met. He's very much like him, mostly, they'd almost be the same person if he had been confident, or just overall cocky like Connor.

Robert refuses at first, it's not really his thing, but he ultimately gives in. He's done wallowing, it's doing him no good. He convinces himself that Aaron's clearly got a life of his own now, he's been too busy for weeks now to return a call, and maybe it's time for him to do the same. He gave Connor a small smile and finally nodded.

"That's it, mate!" Connor closes his fist and pulls it in claiming victory. "You could have fun more often you know? You just need to stop getting in your own way, don't hold back."

What Connor said, those choice words in particular, they nearly make his stomach turn as he thinks about them. They take him to a place he tries to forget, tries to keep buried deep down. They take him back to that day...the day he lost his father.

 

_ "You're just in the way, Rob!" Robert winced at Andy's words. They hurt more than he'd like, but Andy was right. He was only getting in the way. Try as he might, it felt like that was all he was doing. "If you didn't want to help us at all, then why'd you even bother asking to help?" Andy made a face as he shrugged at Robert. _

_ Robert swallowed hard trying to keep his emotions bottled up, trying not to let a sign of weakness show, as he thought back on his mother's words, and on the promise that he had made to her. He promised that he would try harder, but maybe his hardest still wasn't good enough. _

_ "Oi, that's enough of that." Jack huffed at Andy. "Your brother is trying to help, don't be ungrateful." Jack gave Robert a half hearted smile, one that made Robert push himself even more. He spent all morning doing work around the farm, pushing himself like he never had before when it came to farm work, and eventually found himself more than keeping up with Andy much to his chagrin. _

_ It was just after noon when Sarah called them in for lunch, prompting them to drop what they were doing, and make a mad run for the house. Their stomachs had been complaining for hours and there was nothing quite like their mother's cooking to satisfy them. No matter what kind of day they were having, a meal from Sarah's impeccable kitchen always made them feel better, as if they could taste the love she put into her cooking. With Andy already inside helping their sister Victoria set the table, Robert had his hand on the doorknob when he heard Jack call him from behind. As he turned around to face him, Jack nodded for him to take a seat on the bench that sat perfectly on the porch that wrapped around their house. It's where Jack and Sarah would sit late in the afternoon to watch the sunset.  _

_ "You did good today." Robert couldn't quite believe the words had just come from Jack's mouth. _

_ "Yeah?" He asked as he cautiously took a seat next to his father on the bench before looking back into the farm. _

_ "You sound surprised, boy." _

_ Robert smiled as he shrunk in on himself feeling a bit of red flush overtake his face.. Praise from his father wasn't something he was used to, certainly not since Andy came into the picture. _

_ "And here I thought you were too good for the farm life." Jack was quick to kill the mood. He couldn't just leave it at the compliment. Maybe part of him would never simply be just happy with Robert. _

_ Robert nearly shrunk further into himself as he deflated over how fast the compliment had been taken away. He thought of his promise to his mother and felt a knot in his stomach, one that he knew wasn't just from hunger. He had tried just as he promised, but try as he might, he was shot back down. "You know, just because this isn't what I want to do with my life doesn't mean I don't respect it."  _

_ "Listen, son. You really need to get over these pipe dreams of yours, they won't get you anywhere. This..." Jack says as stretches out his arms, gesturing out to their land, the family farm. "This is real. This is your birthright. It's the family business. When I'm gone, you and Andy are going to have to take over." _

_ "But it's not what I want for myself, dad. I have dreams you know? There's things I want to see and do. I need to be better for him, I need to be better for…" The words all slipped past his lips. Words he'd only thought to himself, words he was too afraid to admit, let alone voice. Now, now they were out. He'd let them slip. _

_ Jack's face immediately turned as he paused. Robert could see it, the cogs in his head turning, making sense of what he had slipped. Then he saw it, the expression that said it all, the one that showed Jack had figured it all out. They had been so close for years, inseparable even. Jack had always been able to read him like a book, but somewhere down the line, things had frayed. Robert grew up, he didn't hang on to his father's every word, he became independent. He grew to like things that only made them even more different from one another. But at the very moment, it was almost like back then, Jack stared at him for a moment, his eyes doing all the speaking, he was reading him, and he didn't even need to finish his sentence. _

_ "I...I should have seen it." Jack said as his voice grew cold. "I should have kept that Dingle boy away from you. This is all his fault, putting these thoughts in your head." _

_ "His name is Aaron, dad, and none of this is his fault. It's not his fault I'm..." Robert fired back and quickly pulled back into himself. _

_ "Don't you dare say it. Not my boy, you're not one of them...them…" Jack huffed and slowly held onto his left arm, stroking it as his hand moved up towards his shoulder. He gave Robert a panicked look and dropped to his knees before quickly reaching up and holding on to Robert's wrist. _

_ "Dad!" Robert cried out. "ANDY! MUM!" He shouted as loud as he could. _

_ "Do...it…" Jack struggled. "Follow...your dreams...don't...hold...back."  _

_ And just like that he was gone. Jack's grip on his wrist loosened right before he collapsed to the floor. Robert followed, he dropped to his knees, and tried to get a response from him. "Dad. Please." He shook him. "You have to get up." He felt the tears in his eyes drop as tried to if ore the obvious, what had happened. He knew the signs, learned about them in health classes, read about them even. Heart attack.  _

_ He couldn't bare to accept it, so he kept shaking his father. "Dad." _

_ "What's the fuss about…" Andy tried to ask as he stepped out and saw them on the floor. "WHAT'S HAPPENED?" _

_ "CALL AN AMBULANCE! HURRY!" Robert shouted to Andy knowing all too well, it had already been too late. _

_ It had been his fault, he had killed his father. _

~~~~~~

"I thought getting you out would do you a world of good, but mate...I think you look even more miserable now." Connor let out an exasperated huff. "Why don't you just tell him how you feel."

"What?" Robert's eyes finally left the sky where they had been fully attached to since they stepped out of their dormitory building. As he looked up at the stars he wondered what the person Connor spoke of was doing as morning hit back home. Truth be told, as miserable as he felt, this time of night was a comfort really. During the late evenings was when he almost felt like he was back home. Students and visitors alike were scarce, making the green in the lawns and trees pop, even in the dark. The old and pristine architecture of the buildings reminded him of the cottages back home. Even the campus itself took on the feel of the Emmerdale village late at night. It reminded him of those nights he'd spent out with Aaron, lazy nights hanging at the cricket pavilion just looking up at the stars and talking about how much they wanted out of the village.

"Don't what me." Connor quickly shot back. "You don't have to say it out loud, you know? The way you light up when you talk about Aaron says it all."

Robert stopped for a moment and threw his hand up to scratch the back of his head, inconspicuously trying to hide the fact he was looking around to make sure no one was there to hear what had been said. It made him nervous and he couldn't help but feel like a pair of eyes was watching them. "What...I…" He stumbled as he panicked before finally giving in. There was no need to hide from his best mate, especially not when his best mate was gay. "Is it that obvious?" Robert asked nervously, afraid of what this meant. If Connor knew, who else could possibly know?

Connor beamed a smile as Robert confirmed what he already knew. "Mate!" He grabbed Robert by the sides of his face and pulled him in for a quick kiss. "I knew it!" He said as he pulled back.

Gobsmacked would be the only word to describe what Robert felt. The kiss had caught him off guard, and if he hadn't been frantically worried about anyone having seen it, he would have taken a swing at Connor, a playful one. Still, he'd make sure it hurt. "You know...just cos I'm into blokes doesn't mean I like you, not in that way."

"Ouch, mate. Ouch." Connor stepped back feigning offence before breaking into a soft laugh. "Don't worry, mate. I'm not into ya...I mean, you are fit." He said as he ran his eyes up and down Robert's entirety, making him shrink on himself almost instantly. "But…I'm way too invested in this thing you have going on with Aaron." He swooned.

"Shut up." Robert stopped fretting and gently shoved Connor. It finally hit him that it didn't matter who he was, it didn't matter if anyone else accepting him for who he is. His mother knew and she loved him. His best mate knew, and he didn't care. No one else mattered, or at least it's what he told himself. He knew there was one person that did. The one person that mattered most. He pushed that feeling back down and threw his arm around Connor's shoulder and started walking. "Does anyone else know?" He asked.

"Does it matter?"

Without thinking much on it, Robert shook his head. "No, I guess not."

"I mean, once word gets out, the boys will be all over you."

"Oh, jog on. As if anyone would be interested in me."

"Mate, if you only knew how many girls I've already swatted away from you…"

"You what?"

Connor shrugged sheepishly. "I told you...I'm very invested."

"You're mental, you know that."

Soon the campus lights give way to the brighter ones of the town, where the nightlife if a bit more active. Many of the students spend late nights in the cafes cramming for exams, having fun in the local pubs, and eating whatever they can get their hands on from the few eateries that are still open. It's at a pub that they make their stop. Connor leads Robert to the back door where they make their entrance and they're quickly greeted.

"About time, you got here." A bubbly blond girl nearly huffs. "You do realize that you organized this event, right?" She asks looking at Connor before turning her attention to Robert and grinning. He knows her a bit. One of Connor's many friends, she stops by their room often though their conversations are usually more of a greeting. "Guess I owe you twenty." She said as she turned back to Connor.

Robert sends Connor a quizzical look, curious about what he assumed was a bet was about 

"I bet her twenty quid...bucks, that I could get you out tonight."

"You what?"

"Oh come on, mate. It's karaoke night." He smiled.

Try as he might, Connor couldn't him to budge. Not an inch. "Over my dead body." Robert had told him before Connor gave up and headed off to host the karaoke night that had the pub packed. He made his was to the back of the room, and took to a wall where he leaned, watching and laughing as countless of their friends ridiculed themselves. He needed this. He needed to have fun, to enjoy enjoy himself, he deserved it. He had been dwelling on old memories for far too long.

Tonight was a night to celebrate. He was out, sort of, and he felt some weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Plus, Connor was right, he needed to tell Aaron how he felt. He needed to know where he stood, this couldn't be something else he would dwell on for years like old hurtful memories. He decided, it had to be done before he lost his nerve, and quickly reached into his pocket for his mobile. His fingers danced around the screen as it lit up, tapping away, and he swallowed hard as he placed it to his ear 

"Fuck." He let out under his breath as the call went straight to voicemail. He stood away from the wall and weaved around the crowd making his way to a corner where he could get as much privai as he could. He tried again, hoping against all odds that Aaron would answer this time, and nearly sank when his voicemail answered. It was now or never. "Aaron...it's me...uh...Robert. I hope you're doing well...fuck…look, I really need to talk to you, there's something I need to say to you...and I can't just do over voicemail, please just call me." He was stumbled through his words as his heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest. He took a deep breath and threw his head back and he tapped his phone to his forehead. "Why couldn't you just answer, Azza?" He spoke to himself.

"And now ladies and gentlemen." Robert could hear Connor through the speakers. "I'd like you all to give a lovely round of applause to a very dear friend of mine. All the way from the Yorkshire Dales."

"Connor, you prat." Robert said to himself. "I'M NOT GETTING…" He began to shout as he turned around, his jaw nearly dropping to the floor, he stopped.

"Aaron Dingle."

****  
  


~~~~~~

****  
  


 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has a surprise for Robert, and he has a plan. It's unlike anything he had ever done before, and he can't believe what he's doing, but after seeing something heartbreaking he begins to doubt his plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a quick update!  
> Hope you guys like it.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you like it, or even if you don't. It always makes me happy to see feedback.

 

**CHAPTER 5**

* * *

 

This was it. It had been a long time coming, but it was finally time. He worked so hard for this and now he was scared shitless. Aaron had no idea what he was doing, what would happen, what he would say, but he had this feeling coursing through. A feeling that he needed to let out, to voice, it was impossible to ignore now. This feeling was all too familiar for him, it almost reminded him of something, a memory, but it's not until he smells it that it comes rushing back to him. The smell emanating from an elderly woman's bag... it's definitely it. It's bacon.

_It's the smell of bacon that grabs Aaron's attention at first, the smell finally pulled his attention away from his mobile, where his eyes had been glued to. A young lad like him, it's his connection to the world, his connection to the only things that mattered at his age. He had been too busy looking for new indie music, looking for something new to share, something he could enrichen Robert's taste with. Robert...somehow it was always about Robert. Even the bacon burger. Robert loved bacon, he could do without, but he wouldn't deny it, it worked well with the burger. Plus the smell…the smell that now signals his burger is on its way, it had to. Bacon was too low class for Marlon's "fancy" cooking, so the burger was the only thing that had it. His burger has to be on its way and with perfect timing as his stomach growls, making his place his hands over his stomach, as if trying to comfort it. His mother laughs out loud from across the room, she's behind the bar serving customers during the noon rush hour._

_"You really that hungry?" She asks with a smile on her face. "I heard that growl all the way over here." Chas places a hand over her stomach and and rubs it in circular motions as she makes a pouty face at him._

_Aaron simply pouts his lips in return and shrugs, too cool to acknowledge her motherly concern. He's come to realize that with the smallest of acknowledgement to her mithering, she goes extra. She does have a lot to make up for after all, abandoning him with his father as a child certainly lost her serious points, not that he thinks much about it anymore. Things are good. He has a home, a real one, with real friends, things he wouldn't trade for the world. More importantly than anything, he has his best mate, Robert._

_"Marlon, will you please get Aaron his burger before he croaks." She demanded with a wink towards Aaron, making him smile._

_"One bacon cheeseburger coming up for the dark prince." Marlon says in a mocking tone as he enters the pub through the door behind the bar. "I know you're a Dingle and all, but maybe try something other than a burger. Maybe one of my…" He's trying to recommend, stopping immediately when he sees Aaron's eyes roll. If he'd rolled them any harder, they would have blown through the back of his skull._

_Marlon had only just placed the burger in front of Aaron with a huff, when the front door to the pub swings open and a string of new patrons walk in with Moira Barton just behind them. Aaron's quick to make a face, yeah he doesn't know her well enough, but then again he wouldn't care to. The Bartons are the competition to Sugdens after all. Robert wasn't too pleased when Chas and her business partner Diane took their business to the Bartons, claiming the prices on their meat was just too good to pass up. Aaron made sure to voice his unhappiness with his mum as well. Moira's been on his bad side since then, not to mention the Barton brothers were a part of her family._

_"Busy are we?" Moira asked in her heavy Scottish accent as she placed a large styrofoam box on top of the bar, the day's delivery._

_Chas smiled as she took the clipboard that was stacked on top of the box. As she took a pen to go over the paperwork for her order, she gave Aaron a quick glance and made a face, as if having read his mind, almost an apology. "Can't complain, luv. A busy day means a busy till, means a good day."_

_"Well, at least someone is having a good day." Her eyes widened with concern as she thinks back on what she had seen in her drive into the village. Competitors or not, she'd never wish anyone any harm._

_"What do you mean?" Chas asked as she looked up at Moira from the paperwork on the clipboard, gossip was her game._

_"I just drove past the Sugdens, and it looked like they were putting someone into an ambulance. It was a quick glance, but Sarah looked like she was in a right state."_

_Ambulance. Sugdens. The words were enough to make Aaron's stomach drop. He couldn't explain it, but he knew something terrible had happened, he could feel it in his bones, and a single thing came to mind. A single person. Robert._

_There wasn't much more he needed to hear, without even touching his burger, Aaron took off running, nearly tripping over himself as he pushed past Moira near the door. He ran as fast as he could for his bicycle, and peddled even faster. He pushed himself thinking, worrying, of Robert. He had to get to him. He had to make sure he was okay. He just had to._

_This feeling that overtook him. It's not new. He's felt it before. He's felt it nearly since the day they met. It's a feeling he's tried to bottle up, tried to get past, told himself it wasn't right...but this, now, it felt all too real. He knows what it means deep down. It doesn't though, not at the moment. What matters is that he's alright, that Robert is alright._

_He has to get to him._

"You alright, dear?" An elderly woman's voice pulled him from his thoughts as he feels a gentle hand on his forearm, soft fingers tapping on his bare skin.

He can't help but nearly flinch, nearly give her a look. Why is this stranger touching him? Sassy little shit he's always been, but it doesn't matter now though, he's on a high. A high he can't contain. 

"Yeah," he smiles in return.

"Well, you're looking a bit wound up if you ask me, dear." She says as her eyes move down to his hand tightly clenched to the armrest. 

He can't help but nearly laugh. Yeah he's on a high alright, several thousands of feet in the air to be exact. It's his first time flying. He can literally feel the red take over his face as he releases his death grip from the arm rest, and tries to settle himself. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath. "Me first time flying."

"Oh, I could tell dear." She smiles softly. "The name's Pearl." She says as she sticks her hand out for him to shake. 

"Aaron." He obliges.

"I got just the thing for you." Pearl grins as she reaches into her purse and pulls out what Aaron can tell contains the smell that triggered his memory. "You see, there is this little pub in the airport that most people overlook. Not me though, the most lovely people in there, they remind me of the people back home." A blissful look overtakes her face as she begins to trail off. "I haven't been back home in what feels like years. See, there's this lovely pub there and they have the most amazing bacon burger I have ever had, it calms me right down. Which is ideal because that goofy chef of theirs is so wound up, he nearly has a melt down whenever I see anyone ask him for a burger." She laughs. "How would you like to split this with me?" She begins to unwrap the foil that's wrapped around the burger.

Aaron's eyes widen at the sight and feels his stomach grumble as if begging to be fed. He had gotten up late that morning and barely had time to get ready before his mother nearly dragged him to taxi that had been waiting on him. She had wrapped her arms around him tight enough to nearly suffocate him, nearly didn't let him go, but ultimately wishes him luck and sent him on his way with a bit of extra cash to make sure he ate something. He however had been too lost in his thoughts to have actually gotten anything.

He smiles and nods. Pearl seemed nice enough, and the burger looked delectable, the awkward conversation she would make was worth feeding his grumbling stomach. 

"Marlon." He said thinking about the chef she mentioned. "Sounds like my cousin Marlon."

"Oh, how did you guess his name?" She looked surprised as she took a plastic knife and cut down the center of the burger. "That's his name." She said.

"I...what?"

"That's his name, dear. How did you guess it?"

"I didn't... it's just your story reminded me of my cousin Marlon back home. He's the chef at me mum's pub."

Pearl smiled widely and clapped her hands in excitement at the new information, as if something had clicked. "Oh, this was meant to be." She beamed. "Tell me, how is Chas?" 

Aaron shakes his head at a loss for words, unsure at how this woman knows his mother's name. "How do you know me mum's…"

It's at this point that Pearl's excitement jumps from a ten to fifteen, as she practically squeals. "You must be Aaron." She says happily as she reaches for his cheek and pinches. "I've known your mother since she was about your age...and let me tell you what I remember most, right before I left the village a few years back, she would always talk about you. I don't think there was a conversation she had with anyone that didn't turn into a conversation about how much she missed you somehow."

Aaron sat back and ate his part of the burger as Pearl went on and on with stories about his mother, part of him dying for her to shut up, yet part of him curious to know more about his mother. Any embarrassing stories he could gather were sure enough something to hold in his back pocket for later. Besides, all her talking meant he didn't have to add anything himself. Talking has never been his strong point.

"So, where are you off too and what has you so wound up?' She finally asks.

He paused for a moment caught of guard.

"Oh, I know this look all too well. What's her nam"

 _Her. Why does it have to be a her? Why is she assuming?_ The thoughts run through his mind and he can feel himself getting irritated, then he sees the green eyes in his mind, a memory. The vibrant green surrounded by red, drowning in tears, he remembers the devastation in them. He remembers the relief that rushed through him as he saw the ambulance drive away, and Robert was still there.

"Robert." He answers without even realizing. "His name is Robert."

Pearl stops herself as she takes the information over, then continues as if nothing's changed. "You know, I kissed a girl once. It was nineteen sixty four. She tasted like strawberries." She said blissfully as if remembering the kiss. "It wasn't for me...but enough about that. Now, tell me about this Robert."

Aaron was beside himself, this stranger, she didn't bat an eye. She didn't care. Quite the opposite, she wanted to know more, what's more, he couldn't believe he wanted to tell her more. He wanted to tell her everything. He smiled as he thought of Robert, and slightly turned himself in his seat to better face Pearl. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything." She smiled.

~~~~~~

Unreal. Everything felt so unreal. There he stood under the blanket of a sky tinged in hues of dark blues and purple, the light of day having recently given way to the night, stars filled the sky in a way not too different from the way they filled it back home, and Aaron found himself taking it all in. He took a deep breath and nearly jumped at the wheels of the cab screeching lightly as the taxi does off. He couldn't believe his eyes, the campus alone was nearly bigger than all of the village back home. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine traveling this far, truth be told that no matter how much he had talked about it with Robert, he never expected to even leave the village. He just didn't think he could. Now? Well, he never had a reason to leave before did he? A shy grin spread across his face and he swallowed hard as his determination came roaring back. He was there for a reason. Yeah he wanted, no, needed to see Robert, but above everything, he needed to tell him how he felt.

"What now, Azza?" He asked himself as he thought it through, this was supposed to be a surprise, he couldn't quite call Robert and tell him he was there.

Determined to keep the surprise, he threw his bag over his shoulder and began to walk, hopeful that if he asked around, maybe someone would be able to point him in the right direction. Robert was magnetic after all, a big flirt at heart, always managed to make a friend out of everyone. The folly of his plan was the same reason that had his eyes nearly glued to the sky, it was getting late and campus seemed deserted. He walked around aimlessly for what felt like and eternity as his fingers tapped away at his mobile inside his pocket. Every minute that passed by, he lost hope of keeping this all a secret, he needed a miracle. 

"Oi!" He shouted the second he caught sight of two girls walking by without a care in the world, they giggled as if laughing at some inside joke, he quickly ran towards them. Perhaps his luck was changing. "Hiya...I uh...I'm looking for someone and I'm hoping you could maybe help me find 'im."

A petite brunette quickly flashed him a smile and spoke up. "You must be a friend of Connor's and Robert." She said as if it was fact, not really a question.

"How'd you guess?" He asked surprised by her quick response.

"The accent." She winked. "Seriously though, y'all coming out of some sort of super model factory." She reached out and danced a finger across his chest.

"Karla!" The other girl, a cute strawberry blonde giggled in response as she shoved her shoulder against Karla's. "You're so bad!" She said as she flipped her hair.

"I...uh…" Aaron gulped unsure of how to answer, compliments weren't something he was very used to, at least not from any girl back home.

"Me and my friend Steffi here are going down to a pub in town if you care for a drink." She winked again.

"Uhm...maybe after." Aaron cleared his throat unsure of how to really answer.

"Connor and Robert live in that building over there." The strawberry blonde answered as she pointed to a building in the opposite direction Aaron had been walking in, and quickly pulled back into herself with red all over her face. Even in the low light it was visible. It was clear she was the complete opposite of her friend. 

"Ta." He lifted his hand in a friendly wave and turned towards the building he had been directed to.

"Look at that ass." He heard from behind as he walked away before the girls broke into a giggle again.

"Shit!" He hissed as it dawned on him that he didn't get a room number. "Now what?" He asked himself, prepared to go looking for the girls. It was either that or ruin the surprise. He turned prepared to go looking for them only a set oly a set of voices caught his ear. He turned back around and nearly gasped, his heart skipping a bit, it was him. Robert 

He walked along with who figured had to be Connor. He'd seen him once or twice when Skyping with Robert, the only problem was, he was always too busy playing attention to the only person that mattered, to really memorize what Connor looked like.

"Mate!" The bloke nearly shouted before gabbing Robert by the face, pulling him into a kiss. "I knew it!"

And just like that he felt the world around him crumble. He had no idea what to expect, what he would do or say, how Robert would react. This however, was not what he expected. He had wasted so much time. He was too late. He had seen enough. His legs took over and ran as fast as they could. Part of him wanted to look back, maybe he saw wrong, maybe he missed something. Only the image of Connor kissing Robert flashed through his head, and he hated himself. Of course Robert would find someone, it was Robert after all. Robert was amazing. Robert was a prize. Why would Robert ever want him?

He held on to his chest, heaving for air as he finally came to, and realized he had made his way into town, no longer on the school's campus. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, how it was supposed to be. _What did you think was going to happen, you idiot?_ He thought to himself as he slowly began to walk again. There was no way he could stay now, he couldn't just make his feelings go away, he couldn't pretend to be alright seeing Robert with Connor. He had to go back home.

Taking a deep breath, he wiped the sleeves of his hoodie that covered his fists over his eyes, and took a seat on a bench that sat outside a quaint pub. Unfortunately for him, the pub appeared to be hosting some type of party, what must have been other students kept walking in and out. Occasionally, someone would take a seat next to him to have a smoke, then quickly head back in when done. He sat there unsure of how long it had been until someone else sat beside him eating something in they hands, and the smell of bacon grabbed his attention. That smell again. It took him back to that memory.

 

_His chest had been heaving, barely able to breath, but he jumped off his bicycle the moment he caught sight of him. Robert. The green of his eyes had been surrounded by red, he had been crying, and the thought alone broke Aaron's heart. He quickly walked towards him and stopped dead in his tracks when Robert looked up to see him. This time it was Robert that ran, he ran straight for Aaron, and wrapped his arms around him._

_"Dad's dead." He cried. "I killed him."_

Aaron shook his head, trying to shake the memory away. He couldn't do it, he couldn't face it, not with what he's already feeling. It had all been too much, he needed to get out of there, needed to go back home. For the briefest of moments he thought of Pearl, and how disappointed she would be with the way things had turned out.

"Aaron?" A voice called out to him. "Aaron, is that you?"

Aaron's head swayed from side to side trying to figure out who was calling his name, then he saw him, and his stomach turned. Connor.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here." Connor beamed with surprise.

"This...this was a mistake." Aaron answered without even realizing the words were leaving his lips. 

"You what?" Connor flinched in confusion. "What was a mistake?"

"I need to get outta here." Aaron stood from the bench and quickly tried to run away, oy to be pulled back, Connor had gotten a hold of his bag. "Oi." Aaron shouted as he shoved Connor back. 

"Mate, what was that for?"

"I'm not your mate." Aaron seethed. He could only see Connor grabbing Robert the way he did, and it made his blood boil. He was jealous.

"I...I don't get." Connor's face was a mix of confusion and hurt. "You can't just leave."

"What's it to you?"

Connor scoffed, seemed his concern was turning into irritation. "Look, I don't know what I ever did to you, but...you can't just leave, not without at least letting Robert know you're here."

"Why do'ya even care?"

"Cos he lo...cos he's been a miserable git for weeks." He recovered quickly. "You haven't returned his call, haven't messaged him back for weeks, he thinks you don't care about him."

And his heart broke all over again. The thought of Robert thinking something like that, it killed him. Robert was the most important person in his life. "Care? I don't just care about him, I lo…" Aaron stopped himself, didn't need to make a fool of himself in front of the bloke that had what he wanted. He tried to recover, only the smug look on Connor's face made him want to deck him more than anything 

"You love him, don't you?" Connor asked.

All Aaron could do was swallow past the lump in his throat and look away.

"YES!" Connor threw his fists in the air. "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" He continuoy muttered as he ran his fingers through his floppy hair.

Aaron couldn't believe what he was hearing, assumed Connor had last it. What could he be so happy about? What was he missing? "You're not going to tell 'im are you?"

"No. Of course not." Connor finally stopped. "But you are." He beamed.

"You what?"

"You're going to tell him how you feel about him and all will be right with the world." 

Aaron could practically see the hearts in Connor's eyes. "I...I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"You...and him?"

"What about me and him?"

"I saw you saw kiss him back there." He nodded back towards the campus."

"Is that what this was all about?" He asked knowing exactly what had happened. "Mate!" He said as he threw an arm around Aaron's shoulder, pulling him closer. "That wasn't like a romantic thing, it was more like an I got excited cos he confirmed something I already suspected, kind of thing." He laughed.

"What?"

"Don't worry about." Connor smiled. "Just know that there's nothing going on between me and Rob. We're just mates."

"Yeah?"

"I promise." Connor squeezed him tightly as his face lit up, like a lightbulb, a plan clearly going off in his mind. "Come on then, we have to surprise him."

Having everything he had felt only moments ago melt away, Aaron gave in, maybe Connor wasn't so bad after all. "That was the plan."

"Perfect! Follow me." Connor said as he lead Aaron back around the pub to a back door. "I'm pulling hosting duties for this party tonight, so I don't have a lot of time." Connor went on as he lead them through the pub and near a busy stage where drunken idiots made fools of themselves singing karaoke. This was not his scene. The loud music, the crowds, the dim lighting, well the dim lighting he could do with, but everything else, not so much. As the idiots that were on stage finished their number the music gave out into a cheer.

"Here, let me take your bag. I'll put it away for now, so you don't have to carry it around with ya."

"Yeah, okay." Aaron replied as he handed his bag to Connor.

"I'll be right back."

With Connor gone, Aaron finally took the time to look around, take it all in. The place was filled, crowds of people gathered in nearly every inch of the place, all having conversations, all laughing, all having a good time. He wondered where Robert was and couldn't help himself from looking around, searching for him.

"Don't worry, he's here." Connor spoke into his ear making him flinch, caught off guard. "Here can you hold this for me for a second, there's one more thing I have to do. Then we can get ya to Robert." He grinned.

Aaron nodded taking the object from Connor's hand, it had a bit of weight to it, but he couldn't quite make out what it was in the lowly lit room. It didn't matter though, as Connor walked away all Aaron could think about were his last words, "then we can get ya to Robert." All he could do was smile. This was it.

As the crowd broke into cheers yet again, he jumped, not because of the cheers, but because his mobile began to vibrate in his pocket. He quickly reached for it and gasped as he saw who was calling. "Robert." The name quietly slipped past his lips, and his thumb hovered over the screen as he fought against himself over answering it. He couldn't. Not now. Not when he was so close to surprising him. His thumb nearly swept across the screen to answer the call on instinct, only the vibrating stopped. Close call. He let out a deep breath and considered himself lucky. Had the ringing continued, he didn't think he had it in him to if ore the call. Not now, not after the past several weeks of if ignoring him as he decided to do this all. Letting his shoulders drop, he nearly out his mobile back into his pocket when it vibrates again. This time, a voicemail. "Shit."

His heart began to beat faster than he'd like, and part of him wanted to ignore it, at least for now, but the rest of him just wanted to hear his voice. It had been too long. He needed to hear it. Besides, it was only a voicemail, what harm could it do?

His thumb quickly swiped across the screen and he placed the phone to his ear.

_You have one new message, and six saved messages. To hear your message, please press one._

The automated system instructed, and without even thinking about it, he quickly pressed the number and held the phone back to his ear.

 

_"Aaron...it's me...uh...Robert. I hope you're doing well...fuck…look, I really need to talk to you, there's something I need to say to you...and I can't just do over voicemail, please just call me."_

His heart skipped a beat yet felt deflated at the same time, as if it were a thing. He wasn't sure what to think of the message. What could Robert have wanted to talk about?

"And now ladies and gentlemen." Connor's voice came loudly through the speakers. "I'd like you all to give a lovely round of applause to a very dear friend of mine. All the way from the Yorkshire Dales." He paused dramatically, making Aaron turn slowly to face the stage beside him where Connor stood.

_No fucking way._

"Aaron Dingle."

The crowd, cleat drunker than drunk, all broke into a cheer.

"Come on, mate!" Connor's voice boomed through the speakers gain. "Get on up here."

Aaron shook his head vehemently. There was no way he was getting up there, no way. He could feel his palms sweating and his heart racing, every instinct inside him screaming for him to run away, it was then that a small spotlight zoned in on him. He held his hands up to block the light and realized what he was holding. A microphone. 

"Come on." Connor grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him up to the stage. 

Like a deer caught in headlights, he froze in place, full of panic. 

"You got this, mate." Connor whispered into his ear then nodded his head towards a corner of the pub, his eyes quickly followed and spotted him. Robert.

A gasp escaped his mouth only to reverberate through the room, courtesy of the speakers. If he had been frozen before, there had not been a word invented to describe what he was now.

Robert's eyes stayed glued to his own, a soft smile spreading across his face, Aaron saw him begin to walk close, pushing through the crowd. In that moment he forgot everything else. He forgot where he was, forgot what Connor had done to him, forgot that every other eye was looking up at him. Robert was all that mattered.

Then a soft melody began to play, his feelings had taken life, sounding out every emotion. The music wanting to sing for him. He swallowed hard as he came back to, and realized it was the karaoke machine, even more he recognized the melody, the song it belonged to. It was one that his mum Chas had sing to him once as she tried to embarrass him. 

And like that, the lyrics began to show in a screen beside him. Not that he needed them, the sweet memory he would deny to anyone, even existed, would always live in his heart. _Might as well,_ he thought to himself. This was it, it was now or never.

_"You're just too good to be true"_

He began softly as he lifted the microphone to his lips.

_"I can't take my eyes off you_

_You'd be like heaven to touch_

_I wanna hold you so much_

_At long last love has arrived_

_And I thank God I'm alive_

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off you_

_Pardon the way that I stare_

_There's nothing else to compare_

_The sight of you leaves me weak_

_There are no words left to speak_

_But if you feel like I feel_

_Please let me know that is real_

_You're just too good to be true_

_I can't take my eyes off you"_

He sang in a voice he didn't even know he had. He couldn't help it. Not when Robert's eyes were glued to his own, not when he felt the lyrics. They rang true. Every last bit of them. Everything he'd been trying to hide, to push away, for years now. This is what he felt. He couldn't hide it anymore. He needed Robert to know. He needed Robert to feel the same.

_"I love you baby_

_And if it's quite alright_

_I need you baby_

_To warm the lonely nights_

_I love you baby_

_Trust in me when I say_

__

_Oh pretty baby_

_Don't bring me down I pray_

_Oh pretty baby_

_Now that I've found you stay_

_And let me love you, baby_

_Let me love you"_

It was then he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Connor beside him. "Go on then." He whispered into his ear, taking the mic from his hand and pushing him towards the steps off the stage. Connor took over, horribly so, but he took over no less. Aaron kept his eyes on Robert, smiles plastered on bother their faces, he took his hand and led him back towards the wall Robert had been inhabiting.

"What are you doing here?" Robert asked with a smile on his face. 

Aaron didn't answer, he couldn't, at least not in the way Robert was expecting. Everything he felt had taken over. 

He simply grabbed Robert by his shirt, his fists bunched into it, as he pushed him against the wall, and pressed his lips to Robert's.

 

~~~~~~


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started out with a kiss.

 

_I need love to hold me closer_

_In the night, just enough_

_To feel my body come alive_

_When my bones start breaking, my heart starts shaking_

_I need love, need love_

 

Like fireworks, the music explodes along with every sensation in his body, and every emotion he's feeling. It's electrifying in the most amazing of ways, unlike anything he could have imagined, and he feels as if he's floating. His hands do the only thing they can, threading through hair, gripping as if he'll float away if he doesn't hang on. He can't float away, not now, not ever.

One second he had been looking at him, he had been looking at Aaron, those piercing blue eyes of his shining like stars, even in the darkness of the pub, looking directly at him. They stared back at him as if nothing else existed, nothing else mattered, and now he feels as if he's living a dream. He feels as if he's living through something he had hidden way down, away from anyone that could see, a fantasy, something he never thought would happen. His fingers gently ease their grip and slowly trace their way from the nape of Aaron's neck, to his face where he holds him as his lips push back. The warmth envelops him and he simply smiles into it, into the kiss. Aaron's kissing him, and he's kissing him back. It has to be a dream. It could only be a dream. 

Aaron's lips are soft, just like the first time he kissed him. He still remembers it, the stolen moment in the middle of the night, the moment he tried to convince himself had only been a dream. Aaron never brought it up, never said a word, so it must have been a dream, a culmination of everything he felt deep down.

This was different though, it was more, it was better. Aaron's lips weren't just still. The kiss wasn't just a quick peck. This was all consuming. Aaron's lips were almost forceful, desperate, his tongue parted his own lips, and swiped against his own. 

He held his breath and tried to save it all into his memory, leaned forward as he felt the lips leaving him, hoping to keep them there, and moaned in protest when he finally felt the absence of them.

"Robert." Aaron's voice was raspy, there was a tinge of something in there, disbelief, maybe. "Say something."

"This must be a dream." The words were so low, they were mostly a whisper. His eyes remained close, his brain focused on keeping himself in the state he found himself in, not ready to let go.

"Are you drunk?" Aaron questioned, beckoning Robert to open his eyes. 

Robert's fingers gently traced along his lips as his eyes fluttered open, and a soft gasp nearly escaped his lips when he realized it was all real. Aaron was really there. Aaron had really kissed him. Kissed. Him. He swallowed hard and used his middle finger to gently push his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Say something." Aaron nearly begged, desperation swam across his face. The kiss, it was something else, something out of this world, but it only said so much. He needed to know how Robert felt.

Robert answered the only way he could. His hands reached out, grabbing Aaron in the same manner to which he had grabbed him moments ago, and pulled him into a kiss. Their lips came crashing together. A kiss so soft it melted the world around them. Whatever else was going on meant nothing. Their fears, worries, trepidations, they all melted away in the moment, and everything felt right.

Robert smiled into the kiss, nearly laughed when he heard the small humm coming from Aaron, and lowered one of his arms to wrap around Aaron's waist. He pulled him in closer, kissed him until he needed to pull back for air, and leaned his forehead to Aaron's. 

"Aaron, I…" He breathlessly tried to speak before Aaron's shaky voice cut him off.

"I love you, Robert." He blurted out, he had to, he'd bottled it up for so long he just couldn't hold it back any longer. "I...I came here to tell you…I needed to tell you how I feel and I need to know how you feel."

"Will you shut up and kiss me." Robert smiled as he pulled Aaron back into a kiss. He loved him. Aaron Dingle loved him. Fuck, if he could have had a single wish granted, this would be it. "I love you too, Azza." He finally confirmed, saying those words, nothing had ever felt so right. "I think I've loved you for a long time." His voice was soft, softer than soft really, it was a voice he now knew would only ever be reserved for him. For Aaron. His Azza.

"Yeah?" Aaron asked, trying to ground himself, holding on tightly to Robert's shoulders for fear he might float away.

Robert smiled widely and nodded in response.

"Me too." Aaron could feel the red flushing his face. Feelings had never been his strong point, certainly not speaking about them. There was nothing worse to be honest, but Robert, he made it all feel so normal, so natural. Up until recently he'd been terrified of what he was, of what people would say, but none of that mattered any more. Not when the lad he loved, loved him back.

"Oi!" A loud voice boomed through the speakers. "Get a room you two." Connor laughed, and suddenly every eye was on them. Like a deer caught in headlights they froze, they'd been so caught up in each other they completely forgot they were in the middle of a pub, in fear they froze expecting the worse. Only the worse never came, quite the opposite really. The room broke into cheers, clapping ensued, and countless of girls cooed at them.

"Alright!" Connor brought the attention back to himself with a final wink towards them, giving them the perfect chance for an escape. "Who's next?" Connor asked to a cheering crowd.

 

~~~~~~

 

The night grew a bit colder, or perhaps it was only in their heads, anything to make the small space between them even smaller as they walked side by side. Only a few feet away from the pub, they could still hear the lousy singing coming from inside, their soft chuckles were the only other sound that filled the air. Quite fitting for them really, all that time spent apart, holding on to that those secret feelings, only to find themselves speechless now that they were with each other. They both took a deep breath and looked to the sky, the hands softly brushing against each other, they smiled. Perhaps it all felt too real, their wildest dreams.had come true, and now they found themselves too afraid of possibly ruining it. 

Aaron turned his head ever so slightly every few steps, taking quick peeks at Robert, and felt his heart skip a beat. Beautiful as ever. Fair skin peppered with beautiful freckled, pink, luscious lips, soft green eyes, just as he would always picture him in his head. Only now that the craziness had stopped, he noticed something different about him. Glasses. He wore glasses. His heart nearly exploded at the sight. They frames were elegant, clear, and beautifully framed his face. He couldn't help but think of what Pearl would think. She would have been ecstatic, she would of course have scolded him for not taking Robert's hand. He let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding on to, and looked down as their hands continued to brush up against each other, willing himself go for it. _Just do it._ He thought to himself. _Just do it._

As if reading his thoughts, Robert smiled and laced his fingers through Aaron, as he took his hands. "I still can't believe you're here." His voice did this funny, almost high pitched sound as he spoke. "I mean, you, Aaron Dingle in the states."

"Had something special here, didn't I?" Aaron's voice was soft. He meant it. His fingers gently squeezed on to the hand that held his own, Robert's hand. His Robert. His, "Robble" he said with a smile.

He could feel a warmth spread through his chest as he felt a gentle squeeze in return, and he swore he would float away if his hand wasn't being held. This feeling, he'd only had glimpses of it before, in those moments when he would steal glances of Robert. Like the time he broke his leg and Robert practically caried him home, he remembers feeling the warmth as Robert valiantly helped him home. Robert supported most of his weight, and all he could do was steal glances at him. The soft moonlight hitting his face, giving his alabaster skin a glow that made him look like a dream. The same glow he remembers on Robert that night he kissed him years ago, that soft kiss he had convinced himself was a dream. The moonlight had spilled into the darkness of the room, giving Robert that glow as he leaned over him before his lips gingerly pressed against his own. The same moonlight that shine down on them now, as if it had always been there giving them it's blessing. Robert glowed. He always did. There was just something about him that always made him feel like something more than everyone else, but in the moonlight, he was everything.

"Can...can I ask you something?" Robert asked, pulling Aaron from his thoughts, and bringing them to a halt.

"Yeah." Aaron nodded in response.

"Why...why did you disappear on me?" His voice was unsure. 

And Aaron suddenly feels like he's been shot out of the sky, falling fast to the ground, ready for the impact. "I…" He tried to find the right words. "I got scared."

"Scared, of what?"

Fuck, why did feeling have to come into this, why couldn't it all just been easy. He hated to feel so vulnerable, to look like a needy person, to give Robert any reason to just turn around and run. "I was scared of what I felt for you." He finally lets out. "I was scared of admitting it, of what it meant, of what you would think...that and…"

"Aaron?"

"I was scared that if I accepted, that you wouldn't feel the same, that you'd hate me, forget about me." He nearly cries at the thought.

"You idiot." Robert let's go of Aaronst hand and quickly pulled him into a hug, with his forehead resting on Aaron's, he looks him in the eyes and smiles. "I could never forget you, no matter what."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Robert answers and leans in for a kiss. His heart skips and it blows his mind that he can do this, that he can kiss Aaron without a fucking care in the world. "So, how'd you go from avoiding me, to this?"

"I was working." Aaron gently shoved Robert away, but not before bunching his fists into his shirt to pull him back into another kiss. "Had to save up so I could come surprise, didn't I?" He beamed a smile as he pulled back.

The awkward silence had disappeared, they talked, laughed, and kissed every chance they could as they walked back towards the dorm rooms. Aaron told Robert all about back home, not that Sarah didn't keep him informed, but Robert ate it up. The world through the eyes of Aaron Dingle had always been a favorite thing of his. 

By the time they made it back to Robert's room, he felt like he had just been home, that feeling of being home sick had simply vanished. Aaron was to thank for that. His presence alone felt like home. "So what now, Azza?" Robert asked.

Aaron shrugged his shoulders and made a face, his lips turned downwards in a manner that always made Robert laugh. He looked like grumpy cat, or at least it's what he'd always tell him.

"I guess I didn't think that far...I...I just planned as far as getting here and surprising ya."

"Then I guess you're staying with me. I'm sure Connor won't mind."

"Yeah, okay. I can crash in a sofa or summit."

"Mate, the room is not large enough for a sofa." Robert laughed as he opened the room, a small space, not much bigger than Aaron's own bedroom back home, there was barely enough room for the single beds that were placed on either sides of the room against the walls. "You could always share my bed." He said with a flush of red on his face.

Aaron gulped past the nerves that suddenly threatened him. It wasn't like they hadn't shared a bed in the past, the problem now was, things were different. They were different. They both felt the same about each other. Long gone were the days they could innocently share a bed without it meaning nothing. 

"Yeah." Aaron nodded feeling a heat build in the very tips of his ears. What ifs all ringing in his head. _What if Robert wants to have sex and he doesn't? What if he wants to have sex and Robert doesn't? What if neither of them do, what does it mean? What if Connor shows up?_

The warm touch to his hand brings him back to, a tingling sensation overcomes him, and Aaron can't help but fully turn, and plant his lips to Robert's. It heated, he knows it, but it doesn't stop him. Everything he'd felt for Robert had been held in for so long, and now it was free, he wanted everything he could take.

This time the kiss is all consuming, unlike before, it's not so innocent. Hormones take over, and Aaron's hands are tugging away at Robert's belt before he manages to pause, this isn't him, this is too fast, he doesn't want to ruin things.

As if reading his thoughts, Robert gently holds on to Aaron's wrists, and looks him in the eyes. "Don't be daft. We don't have to do that." He says and his hands travel up his arms, neck, and eventually take him by the sides of his face. Robert chuckles softly. "Look at you growing some scruff." He smiles.

"Oi." Aaron nearly wants to slap Robert's hands away, nearly. "Don't tease just cos you can barely grow any." He counters.

"I like it."

"Yeah?"

Robert nods and slowly leans in, gingerly touching his lips to Aaron, and breathed him in. "There's no need to rush into...things." Robert does his best to alleviate Aaron's worries without making a big deal out of it. "We can just hang out, watch some Netflix, and catch up on stuff."

Aaron smiles in responds and nods. "Sounds great."

 

~~~~~~

 

It's half two in the morning when Connor barges through the door sloppily, it's clear he's had just a bit too much to drink, just not enough to actually qualify as drunk. His hand quickly shoots up and covers his eyes, his floppy hair hanging over it. "I'm not looking, I swear. You two just go about whatever carnal pleasures you're giving each other."

"Jog on, Connor." Robert nearly hisses as he throws a pillow at him, he can't help but feel like it's a bit of a jab at him. Truth be told, he wanted it, he wanted what Aaron possibly did as well. His heart had nearly exploded in his chest when he felt Aaron's hands on his belt, hell he probably would've come in his boxers if it had gone any longer. He felt everything coursing through him, the hormones, the heat, the want, but over it all, what he felt more than anything was love. He loved Aaron to much to let him do something they were probably not ready for. As much as he would have loved to go finally do it, to lose his virginity, especially to him, he knew he could wait.

"Wait...where's Aaron?" Connor finally asked as he uncovered his eyes and swooped his hair away from his eyes. "Were you that bad, he just had to flee?"

"Fuck you." Robert stuck his finger up with ferocity only to have Connor shoot him a shy smile.

"Really though, where is he?"

"Toilets...he's just changing, getting ready for bed. He's exhausted."

"To exhausted for some fun." Connor smiled as curved his fingers into an O shape with one hand, and repeatedly stuck a finger into with his other.

"Shut up." Rolled his eyes, it was the only thing he could do to keep himself from taking a swing at Connor. "I have respect for him, you know. I'm not going to try it on with him the second he's told me he loves me."

The look on Connor's face immediately softens and he can't help himself from nearly swooning. "He told you he loves you?"

Robert can't help the smile that spreads across his face as he nods in response. "Yeah."

"Mate!" Connor replies in a voice that's nearly high pitched enough to shatter glass, or at least that's what Robert would equate it to. "I knew it! I knew! I knew! You two are too fucking perfect it melts my non existent heart." He swoons. "I'm gonna give you two lovebirds some privacy for the night. I'll be staying over at Joannie's if you need me." He says as he walks over to his small dresser to riffle through a drawer.

Robert stands from his bed and walks over to Connor trying to rush him out as quickly as possible, hoping he'll be long gone before Aaron returns.

"Oh and don't worry." Connor stops at the door and turns to face Robert. "No one's going to bother you for the rest of the night." He winks opening the door and placing a sock over the handle.

Robert gives hims a fake smile and leans in before quickly flicking the back of his hand against Connor's crotch. "Tell Joannie I said hi." He smiled genuinely as Connor nearly dropped to his knees gasping for air, then scampered away holding onto himself.

"You suck, Sugden!" He shouted as he turned a corner disappearing from view.

It was the only seconds before Aaron turned that same corner with a grin on his face, and fuck, how his hear lipped a beat. It had felt like a lifetime since he'd last seen him. Yeah they had the occasional Skype session over the past year, but that was nothing like seeing his best mate I'm person. Besides the crappy wifi in the village left much to be desired in the quality department. 

"What was that all about?" Aaron asked as he reached the door, that shy grin on his face stirring butterflies in Robert's stomach.

"Nothing really, just Connor being Connor." He shrugged off the question as he kept his eyes trained on Aaron's face. The same face he remembers saying goodbye to at the airport, only slightly different. He just had a bit of scruff he noticed earlier, little Aaron Dingle was growing up. He slowly reached a hand placing it to Aaron's cheek, his thumb softly stroking against the peach fuzz, all the while keeping his eyes locked onto Aaron's. "So...this scruff?"

Against eyes went from heart shaped ones to those worried ones. "You don't like it?"

"No...oh no...erm...ugh...I mean, I don't mean no as in I don't like it. Robert stumbled over his words. "I meant it as in no, I think I like it...a lot." He clarified and leaned in to place a chaste kiss to Aaron's cheek. "Come on now, you must be shattered."

They had laid in bed for what felt like hours, limbs tangled between each other, soft breathing, eyes still open, try as they might they couldn't just fall asleep. They both knew that even with their feelings out in the open, there was something that hovered over them, like a cloud casting a shadow over them. Maybe it was this unspoken feeling that was keeping them awake. After all, how could they succumb to slumber when something so important stayed unspoken.

Aaron took a deep breath and reached, his soft fingers brushing Robert's hair away from his face, he gave him an unsure smile.

"Can...can I ask you something?" Aaron's voice was like a whisper, full of uncertainty, afraid of what the answer would be.

"Anything." Robert replied.

"What now?"

Robert swallows past the lump that instantly built in his throat as he felt the levity of the question. Under any other circumstances, this would have been an easy question. He knows what he wants, what he's secretly wanted for so long...but now, at the moment, things are complicated. How could he ask something of Aaron that seems so incredibly selfish.

"I...I don't know." His face falls, his eyes look away from Aaron's for the first time since they locked onto each other earlier.

"What do you want?" The way Aaron asked, it's like he was asking for a reason, for a signal, for hope of some kind.

"I want you." His eyes quickly dart back to Aaron's as the words slip past his lips without thinking. "I want you, Azza. I always have."

"Robert…" Aaron gulped. "Will...will you be my boyfriend?" He smiled nervously, deep down he knew what Robert would say, but it didn't stop him from wanting to hear it.

Robert raised himself onto his elbow and looked down on Aaron, his floppy hair once again falling over one of his eyes, he smiled wider than Aaron had ever seen him smile. "Only if you'll be mine." He replied and leaned down for a kiss.

"Are you sure it's what you want?"

"More than anything."

"But...but you're all the way over here. How do we make it work?"

"We can...we can talk every day, Skype even, anything, whatever we have to do to make this work."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Robert brushed his thumb along Aaron's cheek, softly looking into his eyes like they held the secrets of the universe. "Just...don't disappear on me again, yeah?"

"I won't. I promise."

 

~~~~~~

 

It seemed cruel, like the universe was trying to force them apart quicker than they wanted, the week had gone by in the blink of an eye, and now they had just hours left together. Gone were the fun times they had spent together, either alone or with friends of Robert. Connor had made sure they showed Aaron around the town, took him to a few traditional frat parties, and even managed to drag them into a quick road trip. Unfortunately, time had run out, the fun had been left behind, and now Aaron sat at a cafe across from Robert as they waited to say their goodbyes. He couldn't help the empty feeling he felt in his stomach, the one he tried to mask with a smile as his thumb swept across his mobile's screen. Picture after picture of him and Robert having fun. Side by side, embraced in a hug, and stolen kisses. He stopped on one of his favorites, a picture of Robert entranced with a giraffe that nearly loomed over him, he remembered Connor and himself laughing at how much he looked like the giraffe. The long limbs, the clumsiness, the freckled pattern  it was as if the heavens had molded him after a giraffe. He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face, making part of that empty feeling dissipate.

"What's so funny?" Robert asked as he put his mug down, the wispy white steam flowing from the Americano he drank, his recently discovered favorite, had all bit fogged up his glasses.

"Pictures of you, innit?" He beamed as if smiling was his new favorite thing to do. Aaron Dingle all smiles. He leaned forward in his chair, reaching out gently with a finger, and pushed Robert's glasses up the bridge of his nose before kissing it.

"I don't want you to go." Robert pouted his lips. The past week was the best one of his life, and he wasn't ready for it to end.

"I don't want to leave ya." Aaron mirrored his emotions. This, this was the part he had been dreading the most, the part he thought about when he asked Robert where they went from back in his room. Yeah, they had decided to do everything they could to make this work, to make a long distance relationship work, but now that the moment had come to part ways...things just weren't looking as easy as they made it sound.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but he was quickly cut off by the announcement of his flight beginning to board.

"Fuck." Robert's voice broke. "You...you should really get going." He nodded towards the security gate where Aaron would have to walk through. It hurt. It hurt just as bad as when he first left himself, and only this time he was on the other side. Now it was his turn to feel what Aaron felt.

Hesitantly, Aaron stood from his chair following Robert, unable to look up at him. His heart ached for what it had to do next, for what came after, and a pool of tears threatened to break free.

"Come here." Robert grabbed him by his waist, everyone be damned if he wasn't going to embrace his boyfriend one final time, and pulled him in tight. Their lips came crashing together, and a single tear broke free. "You call me the second you get back home, yeah?" He asked, though it had been more of a command.

"Yeah." Aaron nodded as he wiped the back of his fist against his eyes.

"I love you, Azza."

"I love you, Robble."

They smiled widely at each other and leaned in for a final kiss. With their fingers laced together, Robert walked him as far as he was allowed, and through watery eyes they said their final goodbyes as Aaron walked through the security gate, and out of sight.

As much as his heart ached, Robert couldn't help but smile. It didn't matter if Aaron was going home, not when his heart was staying there with him. It was official. They were in love, they were boyfriends, and they would make it despite the distance between them.

He stuck his hands into his pockets and began to make his way out of the airport when he felt the vibration in his pocket. As he pulled his mobile out, he smiled widely. 

A message from Aaron.

 

_Missing you already._

_Love, Azza_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on Twitter and feel like giving me a follow for robron madness and sneak peeks, feel free to do so.
> 
> @RobbleRaptor


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